Reoccurrence

 Cancer sucks!  We moved back over 4 yrs ago because we wanted to help the kids get settled and adjusted to life in Canada incase the cancer returned.  2 weeks ago I learned that my cancer has indeed returned. I had been in the ER and then admitted due to looking like a yellow Crayon as there appeared to be an issue with my liver. To be honest we are not surprised but we were in a bit of a shock when we first learned the news.  The biliary duct area has a tumor that is growing.  It appears there are also tumors around the  kidney and the duodenum as well.  The scar tissue we thought was an issue could be scar tissue or it could also be reoccurrence.  Surgery really wasn't an option.  There was too much risk for complications and shortening the life I already have and I wasn't eligible for another HIPEC. And we also know that Goblet Cell Carcinoma doesn't respond well to systemic chemo.  I had many doctors consult over my case and the top liver doctor in our province also processing with me.  The prognosis isn't good.  I wanted to get home as soon as I could to my family and finally after 2 weeks in the hospital, having a bile drain inserted and a duodenum stent put in as well, I was able to come home.  

I have been home for a week! It has felt so good to see my family.  My parents and my sister and her hubby were out helping out with the kids and the house.  They were happy to be able to see me too.  They took turns driving me to a nearby town to receive IV antibiotics (Today was my last day PTL), my sister helped me shower, my mom helped keep the house cleaned and helped cook me a scrambled egg daily.  I can't eat much but I am slowly trying.  I am told the cancer is basically stealing all the calories from my TPN so any extra food I can eat is good.  After throwing up for almost a month and keeping very little down I am going slow with food intake and can only eat things well chewed, pureed or liquid.

It was so good to see my husband and my kids.  Man I missed them.  It's amazing how having showers and being with your loved ones can help perk a person up.  It has been hard on the kids to process.  We just put up a hospital bed in my room.  I don't need it now but we know it will eventually come to it and this way we won't have to wait for it.  Plus I find the nausea relentless at night so sleeping more upright in that bed will be helpful.  Seeing the hospital bed, and the bile drain bag full of gunk are just some hard reminders for the kids of how sick I am.  I am so thankful for all the people who have driven my kids to places (due to be heavily medicated I am advised not to drive), taken them for play dates or just dropped off little treats for them, etc to remind them that they are being prayed for and cared for.  

So many dear friends are wanting to stop by to say hi/good-bye. I love connecting with everyone.  At the same time I am needing to be careful with my energy and make sure that I still have energy left for my little family.

I'll try my best to keep updated on the blog.  My dream was to write my life story in a book.  Not sure if I will get to that before I die but at least this blog will have some of my story in it.  Thanks for journeying with us.