For those of you who don't know we were living overseas for almost 5 years and had to recently return back to Canada because of some unexpected health issues. I was diagnosed with stage 4 Goblet Cell Carcinoma of the appendix. This is a rare and aggressive cancer. It's one that if it returns, usually returns within the first 2 years. It is one that usually can be described as a ghost cancer because it doesn't really show up on scans and blood work (or the seriousness of it doesn't show up) until you are opened up. Since January I have had 4 different surgeries and just a couple days ago celebrated 6 months since my major, 8 hour surgery on Feb 28th, where many organs were taken out of me, but my life was spared with the radical and aggressive surgery that I received. In total I lost 40 lbs. At the worst I was 77 lbs and now I am either 81, 82 or 83 lbs depending on the day and the chronic diarrhea that I deal with because I had my full colon removed and my small intestine shortened. I had my omentum, peritonium (wall) removed, and had a complete hysterectomy as well so now I am also dealing with things that come with being forced into premenopause. Though I may look like I am doing better there is still much internally that is on the mend and needing healing. I have been so thankful for the health care team that the Lord has provided for me while I was overseas but also while I now live here in Canada. From oncologist, to surgeon, physiotherapist, counselor, pelvic floor physiotherapist, dietitian and nurses and a great GP I feel blessed. I just get tired of all the appointments and don't feel like I have much time to do all the physio, take all the meds, get the rest I need, be the best mom I can be, be a great wife and keep up with our house and do what is needed to get healthier. We've had a busy summer and now, starting Sept 1, my husband will start a new job in town and my son will soon start school, my daughter will start preschool and hopefully our family will begin to figure out what a new normal routine will be for our family living here. I look forward to that.
Right now I am considered stage 4 NED which means NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE. I have not been feeling the greatest the last couple of weeks and at times have wondered if the cancer is back. I know I can't live in fear of the unknowns and all I can do is take each day I am given and live it the best that I can.
This is the verse I have up on my wall. I want to memorize it. I choose to praise God no matter what and to trust He's holding me in the palm of His hand. I know I need to trust and not fear what flesh (or disease, etc can do to me).
While I was out in BC recently I was in some meetings at a retreat, and felt the Lord wanted to speak to me about my identity. Before I went I wondered if saying good-bye to friends and our company out there would be hard. I wondered if I would feel a loss of identity of WHO I was before I got sick and moved back to Canada. I used to be a "worker" but who was I now? A cancer survivor and a sick mom? But instead I felt Him softly telling me that He has chosen me from my mother's womb. That I was I CHILD OF GOD. I once was a "worker" living overseas, I am surviving cancer and daily struggling to figure out balance and health and healing, but that's not WHO I AM. WHO I AM is a CHILD OF GOD, a daughter of the KING. That is my true identity and the only identity that matters. I loved singing this over and over during the retreat...such truth to be reminded of.
When I was diagnosed with cancer I wanted to find a way to write down a bit of a legacy for my kids. I am a person who believes in vulnerability and I believe it breeds vulnerability in others. So at times I will share from my heart. I long to share my faith and health journey over the past 36 years of my life so my kids will know my story and remember it. So they will see how even through health struggles from the time I was in the womb, and other valleys in life, the Lord has been Faithful and has had His hand upon me and my life. I long for them to see and attest to His faithfulness in my life and theirs. So feel free to pop in from time to time and read. I'd love to hear your own stories as well and hear of God's faithfulness in your own lives. Feel free to leave a comment if wish.
