Upcoming CT Scan

 I have been updating on FB and IG but since this blog is about my health journey I should write it hear too, though I will try to be quick. I found myself in the ER twice since the end of April. I couldn't figure out why I was having horrific pain, a bulging side that felt like my intestine was about to burst through and I was unable to really go to the bathroom and for someone with short gut syndrome, who takes many meds to slow things down, this was abnormal.  The pain was horrific and the 2nd time I was in the ER I was puking up bile (and my husband had to stop along the drive to empty my puke bowl into the ditch a couple of times on the 45 minute drive there and I continued to puke a few times in the hospital too.  This happened to be the night of Mother's Day.  Not a fun way to end a good day.  They swabbed me for Covid but since I didn't have symptoms they sent me upstairs and put me in a room with a roommate.  I swear I got this massive headache/migraine after the swab.  Hydromorphone wasn't even kicking the headache that they had to give me some other kind of medication as well for those next couple days I was in the hospital.  I had a CT scan and an x-ray.  There was talk of surgery but in the end this country hospital didn't feel they were the right place nor did they have surgeons who wanted to handle my complicated anatomy and medical situation/healthy history.  So I went home two days later.  

However, and hour before I was released I was informed that my swab results came back positive for Covid, which explained the massive headache, but I was in shock and pretty peeved actually.  I felt bad for the two roommates that I had because I really didn't know I had it. Once I got home I knew I needed to connect with my Spiritual Director and process with her and with Jesus the emotions I was wresting with.  I really think doing that helped me be in a better frame of mind for the next night when I found myself on the bathroom floor for most of the night.  

I was given medication to help with the nausea that I had been experiencing with I take my TPN and with these new issues in my body.  It was discovered that I have a number of gallstones and a narrowing bile duct so the gallstones can't pass through easily, my gallbladder is really low and basically on or really close to my bladder. My stomach is lower than it should be and the part that empties into the small intestine is collapsing so food is struggling to process through.  I also have a hernia in my diaphragm.  Wow, all of that and the doctors were unsure what was the actual cause of my symptoms.  I feel like I have been ping ponged in the last month to various different doctors from liver specialists, to surgeons to my oncologist, GP, and also  Anyways back to that medication.  When I took it once I was at home at night I found myself on the batthe HIPEC surgeon.  So I was released on a Tuesday and on Thursday night I found myself on the bahroom floor, nauseated, dizzy, and in horrific pain.  I was taking turns sitting on the toilet and throwing up and sleeping with my head on the rolls of toilet paper on the floor.  I cried out to Jesus to end the pain and my misery I was feeling.  I begged Him to just take me already. In fact the pain reminded me of when I was readmitted 4 yrs ago in the hospital.  The point where the pain was so bad I didn't know if I'd make it through the night.  I tried to imagine Jesus laying on the floor with me.  I had hooked up to TPN so I wasn't sure if it was that or Covid affecting my digestive system.  My dietician things I actually had an adverse reaction to that medication so I have not tried it since.  Once I was able to unhook from my 8 hours of TPN I crawled into bed, put on the song "WAY MAKER" and sang the words quietly.  A peace washed over me and I was able to sleep for a couple of hours before it was time to get up with the kids.  

Since then I have lost about 10 lbs and I  had about 4 or 5 other attacks but not as severe to send me back to the ER.  I know that I need to walk, apply heat, lay on my left side, stop eating and just go on a liquid diet when I feel an attack coming on.  I find it can last anywhere from a couple of hours to about 24 hours. My body wants to curl in on itself from the pain. 

I was assigned a surgeon but he didn't really want to open me up for fear he would maybe make my short gut syndrome worse and leave me in more of a state where I was reliant on TPN to live and eat. Because I wondered if I was dealing with some sort of reoccurrence I wanted my HIPEC surgeon to be consulted.  I talked with a couple of times recently.  Due to Covid in our province he said I will not be able to have a surgery where they open me up and one that requires an extensive stay and that would be the case if I had HIPEC.  At this point he doesn't feel I am dealing with a reoccurrence.  He feels it's an issue of scar tissue or something causing a small bowel obstruction.  I know that unless they open me up and really look they can't fully tell me there is not re-occurrence.  He wanted to see if the surgeons that saw me when I was admitted through the ER over Mother's Day would be willing to open me up and at least clear away some scar tissue.  But she said she didn't feel comfortable.  

So non of these specialists want to open me up.  No one is really sure what's happening to me and why. So now I am going to have a CT scan on Thursday.  This a different one than I normally have.  This time, 2 days before (so Tuesday) I am allowed to eat but after 7 pm I have to stop eating.  Then on Wednesday I have to have a "liquid only" diet day.  Thursday I am to not eat or drink anything and I need to take special medication just before the scan to really clean me out.  This will be super uncomfortable.  But the hope is that if I a really cleaned out they will be able to see where these strictures or obstructions are happening.  To be honest at this point I am just hoping they find something if there is anything to find.  If they can find something on the scan they may be more willing to open me up and trying to "fix" something.  

I know something is wrong, When I have these attacks I struggle to function well through the pain.  I am thankful for this past week where I have had a few 'good' days and have even been able to help with yard work and yard projects.  

So if you happened to have read all of this please pray for my upcoming scan on Thursday.  And for favor with the doctors.  That God would reveal to them what is happening inside of me.  After all He knit me together in my Mother's womb and knows me so well.

A Kayak meets a Dam

I have had this song running through my head since Monday night.  Our friends lent us their kayaks and canoe for a couple of days.  We enjoyed exploring our river for the first time this way.  I will say it was really fun and I am already dreaming of the day we can own one of our own so we can use it more in spring.  We've had SO much rain that it was really interesting to see how the river kept rising over the 3 days that we had went on the river.  It's isn't a super long stretch that we can canoe on due to a dam that isn't too far up the river from us.  

My husband was in the canoe with my daughter.  I asked him to hold onto my phone as I figured it would be safer in a canoe than a kayak in case I fell in for some reason. My son and I were each in a kayak.  We went into a little area that was super full of algae.  It looked interesting so I figured I'd take a picture.  I mentioned that I wanted to take a picture and my husband said, "Memories are better.  Let's just enjoy this."  And I said, "Yes but a picture can jog a memory."  So he came close to my kayak and gave me my phone.  I snapped these pictures.  My husband told me to put my phone in my pocket but I tucked it into bra as I wasn't sure it I would fall out I wanted to make sure I wouldn't lose it or it wouldn't fall out of my pocket. 

Then we carried on to the main part of the river up to the dam.  See below.   My friend heard this story today and then sent me this picture.  I have never seen this sign before.  Maybe it was put up after my experience on Monday.😂  

So my husband and daughter were in the canoe and as they got close to the dam not only did they notice how high the river water was but my husband commented on how they were seeing fish trying to swim up the dam.  I couldn't see from where I was so I was a little impatient to try to see how big these fish were.  Turns out they were about 6 inches long. Well I guess I got too close with the kayak and the current and water flowing over the dam got me and took my kayak under.  Thankfully I was wearing a life jacket so my head didn't go fully under but I was soaked, my sandals went under the current and the kayak was water logged and stuck in the current.  Trev remained calm and encouraged me to swim hard and to the edge.  I managed to make my way to the edge and my son found my sandals as they were floating and tried hard to get the kayak out of the current.  We were worried it would take him under too. 

A couple of weeks ago I was telling my daughter about the dangers of having phones by baths as some have been electrocuted I forgot to mention it was when phones were charging.  Well she was crying and was worried that I was going to get electrocuted.   Trev eventually dropped my daughter off on the edge to stand by me.  He told my son to drop off his kayak at the edge.  I helped pull it up on the shore while he got into the canoe with Trev and together they would try to retrieve my kayak that was upright and unable to get free from the current.  Eventually they managed to get the handle and pull it towards our friends to drop it off.  Trev told me to carry my son's kayak on shore to our friends' place but I wasn't strong enough.  My daughter found someone to help me carry it while I was soaked and actually laughing about the whole thing.  My husband wanted to enjoy the memories but I am thankful for these pictures that will help jog our memories about this event.  

We got home and put my phone in a bag of rice for night and thankfully it survived the ordeal.  I haven't uploaded any of my pictures in the last 6 months onto my computer so I was worried I was gonna lose them.  

We had a little family meeting after and discussed the importance of life jackets and acknowledged how our family worked together in that little crisis.  Isolation and lockdowns and just some strong personalities in our little family means we don't always get along.  It was such a gift to be able to see how we banded together, listened to Trev's instructions and figure out how to rescue the one kayak and get the other one back as well.  All the while have some good laughs and new memories created.  Moral of the story:  ALWAYS WEAR A LIFE JACKET and DON'T GET TOO CLOSE TO THE DAM!

Graduation

Wow!  I am overcome with gratitude and a sense of accomplishment today.  This weekend was my last module class.  We moved back here 4 years ago because we weren't sure if the cancer would return.  We wanted to be near family and get the kids settled.  I used to tell people over the last 8 to 10 years that one day I'd love to be a Christian Counselor or a Spiritual Director.  I clearly remember the day two summers ago when I felt a blessing and release from the Lord to apply to the School of Spiritual Direction and to pursue this dream of mine.  It feels so serial to be alive and to have finished this program.  After these past 2 years I feel even more confident in the giftings that God has given me, the way that God has and is using the struggles I've endured, and the life lessons and experiences over my life to better equip others as I companion them on their own faith journeys.  What a humble, sacred blessing it is to be invited into the lives of people.  What a privilege it is to hear ones story and to help them see how Jesus is and has been at work in their lives.  They say "find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life."  Well that's how I feel with Spiritual Direction.  This is what I feel I was made for and something I hope to spend the rest of my life doing.  

Though we didn't get to meet in person due to Covid restrictions I am so thankful for Zoom and the connectedness and sense of family that can still be felt over screens.  We grieved the fact that one of our classmates was unable to join us as he is currently not well and battling with Covid in the ICU.  Please pray for our friend Peter and that he will come through this.  

We had a beautiful time sharing affirmations with each other and also being commissioned by our teacher as we now have completed our 2 year program through Sustainable Faith which is the largest Spiritual Direction school in North America.  When I left my life overseas I found myself feeling pretty lonely.  I missed feeling spiritually connected with friends who I could share deeply with.  These dear classmates of mine became family.  They became a body of believers that I could share my tears of joy and sorrow with and they became cheerleaders and prayer warriors for me as well. With restrictions causing churches to stop meeting, or only having online services, these class times became like Church for me in a sense as well. I am thankful for their friendship and look forward to finding ways to stay connected in the future.  If you are on the lookout for a Spiritual Director I highly recommend any of these dear friends.  If you are curious about Spiritual Direction and want to learn more or have questions please don't be afraid to reach out to me.

I wish we could have been in person today to have our little commissioning service in person.  It would have been awesome to celebrate together face to face.  For now I will sit and marvel at the work God has done in my own life over these last two years. I sit in the gratitude I feel for this opportunity I had to learn and grow in my own walk with Jesus as well as learn and grow to be the Spiritual Director the Lord wants me to be.  All glory and praise goes to HIM!