This weekend we will be celebrating Christmas while giving and exchanging gifts. This will be fun but as I think about this past year it is more clear to me than ever that I don't need any gifts. The only things I'd really want is a baseball glove so I can play catch with my kids in the summer, and money towards some of the chemical free products, or sugar free products, that I have been buying or adding to my wish list as I make ditch and switches in my home in an attempt to live and eat healthier. Really though I don't need anything. I have the best gifts right here with me. My little family.
Anyways, as I think back to this past year I want to write down some of the gifts we received so that I don't forget and so that I can remember the goodness of the Lord when we were in such a dark valley.
In no particular order:
My husband has been faithful since we started dating but in this last yr he has really become my rock. He's held our family together, took on the role of caregiver to me and mommy/daddy to my kids when I was stuck in and out of the hospital from January 19 to the middle of April. He was a constant support and I remember clearly laying next to him in my hospital bed, watching movies, or having him read emails to me and him replying (I was too tired or nauseated at times to read and write). After my 4th surgery I couldn't move for 12 hrs so he was faithfully by my side to help bed pan me when I needed to use the washroom. When I was unable to get in an out of bed for weeks due to all the tubes I had coming out of me and to all the pain I was dealing with he was there to help me every step of the way. What a incredible servant-hearted gift he is.
My kids are a gift. They are what motivated me to fight. I knew that even though I was ready to go be with Jesus my husband and my kids were not ready to see me go yet. So I fought hard and begged doctors almost every day to let me go home. I just wanted to be with my kids as I saw how hard it was on them for me to be in the hospital and away from them.
How quickly my surgeries happened and the fact that the main surgeon was able to feel around in surgery and discover the microscopic tumors and remove them is amazing. It's a blessing.
I had many friends overseas who took me to the ER or watched my kids so my husband could take me (that was off and on over December 2016 and January 2017) and then who took turns watching the kids or visiting me while I was in the hospital this spring. Having friends walk with me though the valley of the shadow of death...it's indescribable how much that meant and how it deepened those friendships.
We had meals provided a few times a week. This helped take off some of the stress which was amazing.
Friends came to paint my toe nails, braid my hair, entertain me, pray with me, visit, sleep in the hospital room with me, sneak food into my room, make me homemade chicken bone broth to help me get my protein, Friends from afar sent cards and money to help get a cleaning lady, for meals, and to help us with the expenses of packing up our home and having to move back to Canada. We felt loved and cared for.
The doctor who delivered my daughter became a gift all over again as she lead us to the surgeon who performed my massive surgery. She would take time out of her work (and at one point skipped out on the last part of a date with her husband to come see me in my hospital room) to check in on me. She also is the one who convinced me to push the surgeon a bit to get my bladder tear fixed in surgery rather than continuing to wait for it to heal on it's own.
My favorite neighbor made me fresh yogurt and potatoe borek every week once she knew I was ill and it was something I could eat.
Having had local insurance was a gift as it helped us not have to worry about all the medical costs that incurred having had 4 surgeries this year.
Having family and friends come out from BC and MB to come take turns watching the kids, visiting me in the hospital and even helping to pack up our home and bring back some of our bags...a huge gift and blessing to us! I was thankful some of our family were able to see where we lived and how we lived so that when we now talk about our time overseas they will have a greater understanding.
The Lord provided this house we now live in, He brought people alongside us to help clean our house, windows, paint the house and fill it with groceries and bless us with co-op gift cards or money to help us settle in. We were humbled.
The Lord opened the door for my husband to have a job when we moved that is only a 3 minute walk from our home. So amazing! And it's a job he loves which is an added blessing.
I have been given the gift of an amazing medical team here in MB as they all try to work together to help me gain the weight needed. I am still 83 lbs and the dietitian (who is a believer by the way...another gift) will call me every now and then to check in on me. She wants me to get to at least 100 lbs. The oncologist, pain doctor, urologist, family doctor, surgeon, dietitian, etc all are on my side and want to help me figure out how to get better. I am blessed.
We were given a car to use this summer.
Someone paid for me to fly business class on the way home and Trev's aunt came to help fly with the kids so that I could get rest and be more comfortable on the long flight home.
People here have loved on us with meals, rides to appointments, prayers, help with kids etc.
It's been a gift to be closer to family on both sides and we are thankful we get to celebrate the holidays with both of our families.
We found an amazing babysitter (she and her family love well on my daughter) who helps out a couple times a week so I can get rest and also get to doctor appointments.
A friend of mine has been so gracious and willing to help often on preschool days to take my daughter to school along with her daughter. She and another friend of mine have been so good at helping to watch my kids when I have appointments.
I am thankful for the ability to rekindle old friendships here in town and in Canada as well as new relationships we are getting to build. Thankful for the gift of what's app so I can stay in touch with my friends back overseas too.
On Saturday I turn another year older! I feel humbled and thankful that I get to be alive when in all honesty I really didn't think I'd get to this point earlier in the year. I am grateful and hope that I will have many more years yet as I long to grow old with my husband and to see my kids grown up and get married and have kids of their own.
Thank You Jesus for life, for loving me and walking with me and never leaving my side!
Thursday, 21 December 2017
Thursday, 7 December 2017
Seeds and other reflections
There was a moment last week where I was driving and I was reminded of a time in my life where Jesus kept speaking about Pearls to me. (I can save that story for another time). I said a little prayer, asking Jesus to speak once again to me in that way.
Friday night the house was quiet, everyone was asleep but me. Being wide awake I decided to sit in the living room, doing some of my physio while watching a little video about home based businesses. I am trying to figure out what to do with myself. Making some extra cash to help my family out would be a blessing. I am desiring to go chemical and toxin free in my home but that means having to have money to get rid of some stuff and replace it with stuff that is safer for me and my family yet may seem more expensive at the start. (If you are interested to learn more about what I am doing in this area feel free to send me an email and I'd love to share more). Anyways, I was watching this video and what stood out to me was how this lady was talking about seeds. She said something to the effect that each time you talk to someone about a product, etc, it's like planting seeds in the person's life. I won't go into what all she said but what stood out was the words SEEDS and I thought about how sharing the Gospel is also like planting seeds.
The next morning I woke up to an email from a friend who is living in the city we just moved back from 6 months ago. The little fellowship that we helped to start is growing and it's exciting and it had it's official opening this past weekend. She wrote this, "Today is the official opening. I am excited to celebrate the seeds you and your husband (and others) planted! Nothing of what you guys did here is in vain. God sees the big picture and he is the one who gives life to the seeds we plant. God is building his Ch..ch.
She sent me some pictures and a little video of 150 people singing one of my favorite local songs. Later in the day our local friend sent an email thanking my husband for the seeds that he helped to plant and sent even more pictures of the opening. Then my husband got a message from one of our friends who was there at the opening and he mentioned that he was sitting in the back of the fellowship, watching what was all happening and had tears in his eyes. Wishing we were there to witness it and thankful for the seeds that we got to plant there.
That evening as a family we put on our Bible app and listened to the next chapter we were to read in Luke. It happened to be Luke 8 with the parable of the seed and sower. And my son pointed out that the Adventures in Odyssey that we listened to earlier in the day was also about seeds. So our ears perked up and we began to thank the Lord for speaking but also asked Him to further explain what was on His heart.
Yesterday I had some time to journal and stew and ask the Lord what He wanted to say to me further about SEEDS. I listened to Luke 8 again. Luke 8:15 stood out, "As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience."
I continued to listen to Luke 8 and read about the woman with the bleeding issues and about her healing. This story has stuck out to me for years during my infertility years. The song by Nicole C Mullins, "One Touch" is one I would sing and cry out to the Lord for His healing touch. Verse 47-48 says, "When the woman saw that she had not escaped notice, she came trembling and fell down before Him, and declared in the presence of all the people the reason why she had touched Him, and how she had been immediately healed. And He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.'" Shortly after this we read of a daughter who is not well and in verse 50 He says, "Do not be afraid any longer, only believe, and she will be made well." So I once again prayed asking the Lord for full healing and restoration of my body.
One year ago today I was in a taxi, heading to the other side of the mega city we lived in to head to a 3 day training on Life Coaching with two of my friends. I was in pain, dealing with both constipation and the runs and horrible pain. The next day I spent my first of 4 ER trips in the hospital trying to figure out the cause of the pain and not being satisfied with that doctor's diagnosis of gastritis. I was telling my son about it being a year and last night he asked if we should have a party today. I said, "Nope not tomorrow but in January when it will be 1 yr since I was diagnosed with cancer, then I would like a party as I celebrate my one year survivor anniversary." He quietly said, "Mommy, not just one year, let's celebrate 10!" So here's to hope and faith that I will get to celebrate many more anniversaries for years to come.
Anyways, back to seeds. So as I was processing all of this and praying I saw a little packet of seeds in the back of my mind and felt that I should pull out a packet of seeds to remind myself of the spiritual seeds we planted in lives overseas and to pray that they would be watered and would grow and bear fruit. Many of our loved one over there have yet to confess to a faith and belief in Jesus and that is my desire for them. 1 Corinthians 3:6, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow."
I was reminded that I had a little bag I was given back in December from a conference I was at and inside was a pack of seeds.
One year ago today I was in a taxi, heading to the other side of the mega city we lived in to head to a 3 day training on Life Coaching with two of my friends. I was in pain, dealing with both constipation and the runs and horrible pain. The next day I spent my first of 4 ER trips in the hospital trying to figure out the cause of the pain and not being satisfied with that doctor's diagnosis of gastritis. I was telling my son about it being a year and last night he asked if we should have a party today. I said, "Nope not tomorrow but in January when it will be 1 yr since I was diagnosed with cancer, then I would like a party as I celebrate my one year survivor anniversary." He quietly said, "Mommy, not just one year, let's celebrate 10!" So here's to hope and faith that I will get to celebrate many more anniversaries for years to come.
Anyways, back to seeds. So as I was processing all of this and praying I saw a little packet of seeds in the back of my mind and felt that I should pull out a packet of seeds to remind myself of the spiritual seeds we planted in lives overseas and to pray that they would be watered and would grow and bear fruit. Many of our loved one over there have yet to confess to a faith and belief in Jesus and that is my desire for them. 1 Corinthians 3:6, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow."
I was reminded that I had a little bag I was given back in December from a conference I was at and inside was a pack of seeds.
What caught my eye was the name of the seeds, "FORGET-ME-NOT." My son had asked me the night before what I wanted to do with my life. Sure I could try to do some sort of home business but what I really desired was to become a LIFE COACH and a Spiritual Director but that required time and money and energy which I did not have at this time to really invest in the training I needed. Seeing these seeds was as if the Lord reminded me that in this current season, current state of health I am in, there is something I can do and that is to PRAY. We have seeds that we planted while we were overseas and He was inviting us to continue to pray that they could be watered and would sprout and grown and accept the Lord as their Savior. So now these seeds are in my dining area to remind me of just that.
We put up our tree on December 1st. Each year that I put up the ornaments to remind me of my babies that I lost I get to be reminded of those three experiences, and how the Father has carried me through. I placed my Appendix Cancer ornament next to them and this little cross my friend gave me this year. I continue to lean on Jesus, trusting Him and His plan for me. And looking to Him for new strength in this season.
We took our kids to watch THE STAR this past weekend. The line that stood out to me in the movie was this: "Just because God has a plan doesn't mean it's going to be easy, and that scares me." Yep God's plan for my life has not been an easy one and at times it's felt scary not knowing the why or not knowing how I'd get through the grief or the suffering. Yet He is faithful. He is my healer and my redeemer and He continues to use my story and continues to write it! He isn't finished with me yet!
We put up our tree on December 1st. Each year that I put up the ornaments to remind me of my babies that I lost I get to be reminded of those three experiences, and how the Father has carried me through. I placed my Appendix Cancer ornament next to them and this little cross my friend gave me this year. I continue to lean on Jesus, trusting Him and His plan for me. And looking to Him for new strength in this season.
We took our kids to watch THE STAR this past weekend. The line that stood out to me in the movie was this: "Just because God has a plan doesn't mean it's going to be easy, and that scares me." Yep God's plan for my life has not been an easy one and at times it's felt scary not knowing the why or not knowing how I'd get through the grief or the suffering. Yet He is faithful. He is my healer and my redeemer and He continues to use my story and continues to write it! He isn't finished with me yet!
Thursday, 23 November 2017
Thankful
I find myself overcome with thankfulness today. I may not be America but I can still be thankful, right? As I read my devotions today, as I thought about some things I am thankful for, I found my eyes getting a little wet.
In one month it will be my birthday. I remember last year, getting together with some dear friends to celebrate my birthday but I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to attend the evening seeing as I was in so much pain and was feeling so ill. Little did I know then that the pain was due to cancer. It's been 8 months since my last surgery. I weighed in at almost 84 lbs last week. That's a whole lot better than the 77lbs I was at back in April and May. There are still so many different doctor appointments I have, meds I am taking, and post surgery issues we are trying to deal with but today I am thankful I AM ALIVE!
Psalm 107
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. For his steadfast love endures forever! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble." (vs 1-2 ESV) "Hngry and thirsty, they fainted. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He rescued them from their distresses." (vs 5-6 AMP)
A number of times in this Psalm is says, "Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, And He brought them out of their distresses." I am so thankful that I have a Savior who is my friend. He was there when all around me it felt dark and lonely and painful and hard. He didn't leave me nor forsake me. He was there when I cried out to Him and He rescued me. He brought me out of that valley of the shadow of death. He has carried me and He continues to do so.
I am thankful for life. I am thankful for all my family and friends who have walked with me and my family and carried us, prayed for us, fed us, and helped us in this last year. I am thankful for my husband who has been so selfless and helpful through all of this. I am thankful for a lot and the list could go on but mostly today I am thankful for LIFE! For He came to bring LIFE and to bring LIFE to the full.
In one month it will be my birthday. I remember last year, getting together with some dear friends to celebrate my birthday but I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to attend the evening seeing as I was in so much pain and was feeling so ill. Little did I know then that the pain was due to cancer. It's been 8 months since my last surgery. I weighed in at almost 84 lbs last week. That's a whole lot better than the 77lbs I was at back in April and May. There are still so many different doctor appointments I have, meds I am taking, and post surgery issues we are trying to deal with but today I am thankful I AM ALIVE!
Psalm 107
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. For his steadfast love endures forever! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble." (vs 1-2 ESV) "Hngry and thirsty, they fainted. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He rescued them from their distresses." (vs 5-6 AMP)
A number of times in this Psalm is says, "Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, And He brought them out of their distresses." I am so thankful that I have a Savior who is my friend. He was there when all around me it felt dark and lonely and painful and hard. He didn't leave me nor forsake me. He was there when I cried out to Him and He rescued me. He brought me out of that valley of the shadow of death. He has carried me and He continues to do so.
I am thankful for life. I am thankful for all my family and friends who have walked with me and my family and carried us, prayed for us, fed us, and helped us in this last year. I am thankful for my husband who has been so selfless and helpful through all of this. I am thankful for a lot and the list could go on but mostly today I am thankful for LIFE! For He came to bring LIFE and to bring LIFE to the full.
Wednesday, 8 November 2017
The Cancer Story Part 3
So I was in the hospital at first for 2 weeks. Every day begging to have tubes removed, every day asking the Dr when I could go home. He was a gifted surgeon and literally felt and discovered my microscopic tumors. However, he did not have the best bedside manner and didn't always take time to answer my questions, or explain things unless my husband was in the room with me. This was frustrating. I remember discovering the sad side effects of not having a colon. I was spending much of my time in those first 2 weeks getting help out of the bed, having to drag all my tubes and the TPN line with me to the bathroom, sitting there and dealing with the runs, feeling actually like I had no muscle control over that situation, and then getting back into my bed, which was a process, only to need help to get back out of bed like 20 or 30 minutes later. The doctors were playing around with my pain meds and also with anti-diarrhea meds. Not a lot seemed to be helping. I would buzz the staff often asking if it was time for pain or anti-diarrhea meds yet.
Finally after 2 weeks of being in the hospital and slowly having tubes removed, they took out the catheter but I still had a drainage tube in me. However the day I returned home I ended up in horrible pain. That night my husband took me into the ER. I was screaming off and on for the hour drive to the hospital due to the pain and because of the runs, I wasn't sure if I'd make it to the hospital in time. I was given pain meds and sent home. The next day I saw my Dr. for a check-up but ended up getting admitted because of the pain and also because it appeared that I wasn't outputting enough urine into my catheter. I was in tears. I didn't want to go back in to the hospital and I did not want to go no TPN again. That night I was in so much pain I couldn't sit, stand, or even get into my bed. I can't describe the pain. It was unlike any pain I had ever felt before. I would scream in pain, my eyes would roll back into my head as I felt like passing out or falling over from the pain. The nurses would come into my room and tell me they could hear me in the hall but it wasn't time yet for more pain meds. I found myself crying out to God, begging Him to either heal me or take me. I was so ready at that point to get to heaven and be free from this suffering and be in a place I have longed for. I would listen to Chris Tomlin's song "Home" and long to go to Heaven. The thought of dying and being in my Savior's presence brought me much settled peace. I wasn't afraid. Yet I knew I had a husband and kids who weren't ready for me to die yet.
I finally I remember the next morning three doctors came to my room, they did an ultrasound on me and then in the local language we heard, "Wow, that's a lot of fluid!" My now fairly empty abdomen was filling up with fluid.
That's when things happened very quickly as within minutes a catheter was placed in me again, much to my dismay because I actually found it really painful when it was in before. And then right there in my hospital bed, they re-cut open one of my sites where I had a drainage tube and they put in a new drain. Within seconds it filled up with fluid. I was then taken down to day surgery where they inserted another drainage tube. I was in tears. I had just been released days before. This meant I would have to stay in the hospital and be away from my kids and my husband longer. At some point I went for a CT scan of some sort where they discovered the fluid was coming from my bladder which appeared to have been nicked during surgery. This meant that that fluid was actually partly urine...gross!!
So I stayed in the hospital for almost a week and then I was sent home with the drainage tubes and the catheter still in me and if I had to use the washroom I had to wake up my husband to help me get up, carry all my tubes, and help me in the bathroom. We both were lacking so much sleep. However, a few days later I was back in the hospital. I was unable to keep food down due to my stomach being sensitive to food, tastes, smells and to the side effects of the strong pain meds I was on. I was continuing to lose weight. They eventually cut me off the strong pain meds due to the side effects (causing me to throw up, etc) and i was forced to have to be ok on just Tylenol type meds. Each time I would beg to go home. My little girl was having such a hard time not having me at home. If friends brought her to see me she'd scream and throw a fit when it was time to leave me at the hospital.
Near the start of the cancer fight my husband bought me boxing gloves. It's something my sister-in-law had bought my Father-in-law when he was battling his own cancer fight a few yrs prior. Over time a few of my friends signed those pink gloves and they are now on display in my home. But I remember one day I was so frail and so weak, and SO so ready to go be with Jesus. My wonderful husband made me put those gloves on, even though I didn't feel like I had fight in me, he took a picture of me and sent it to my friends asking them to pray for me. Finally after 4 weeks of this in and out of the hospital my husband finally asked the Dr. what we were gonna do about the bladder tear.
The day before this my Doctor, who had delivered my daughter a couple yrs prior, came to see me. She told me I should ask the surgeon about doing a day surgery to fix the tear and said that often even obgyn's nick bladders during c-sections, etc and it's an easy thing to repair. So when my husband asked the surgeon if we could consider surgery he told us to give him 24 yrs to think about it. It was almost a relief when he came back that next day to tell us we'd have surgery again. Not that I wanted to go under the knife once again but I wanted to fix this problem so I could begin to heal and move on.
I was in the hospital for another week healing from that surgery. The first night I was told I couldn't get out of bed. My legs were placed in some sort of casing that was there to try to keep the blood flow going since I wasn't able to get up. Remember, I have no colon so I was needing to go frequently to the bathroom. This meant that my wonderful, servant-hearted hubby spent that night bed panning me together with the nurse or with a dear friend who came for a couple of hours to help out. Yep it was not my favorite moments but I fell in love with my husband even more. And then the next day he sent me this song: My Only Love by Matt Maher. I had tears in my eyes as I listened to it. It was humbling to say the least. After another week in the hospital I was able to go home. However I continued to struggle with pain and with eating. I remember one day my husband came walking into the room, taking one look at me and being worried. He didn't say it then but he wondered if he was gonna lose me. My skin was greyish in color and I was around 77 lbs. He later told me the look of my skin and on my face reminded him of what his Dad looked like on his death bed. I was weak and frail and unable to do much. When we went for a check-up he was relieved I was readmitted. Though again he didn't say anything because I was so disheartened that I had to stay again. At this point my veins were so small and I was so dehydrated that it was hard for them to put TPN back into me and thy struggled to even insert it in my the vein in my neck.
I knew that 6 weeks with the catheter wasn't helping me heal any faster. That night I begged the Dr. to remove it. He did but then this meant that I was up for the washroom about every half hr for sure peeing. My bladder had to learn how to work on it's own without having the use of a catheter. After about 5 more days I was finally released to go home. This was April 13th. My goal was to be home for my son's birthday and that I was. I was so thankful for my girl friends who helped to put things together for my son's birthday party since I was in no shape to plan or even attend the party.
Due to all the hospital stays, frequent bathroom trips, crappy hospital toilet paper, etc I had a horrible and totally painful and big fissure. This hindered me from being able to sit or really be able to do much and took till June to really heal.
When I look back on those moments I can hardly believe I made it through all of that suffering. And now that Christmas is just around the corner I am excited to put ornaments on our tree. Each year we get an ornament to describe and tell a story from that year. I made this appendix cancer ribbon (well I painted it) and I look forward to December 1st when we will set up the tree and I can put this ornament on the tree with a whole lot of gratefulness that I am alive to celebrate Christmas together with my family.
Finally after 2 weeks of being in the hospital and slowly having tubes removed, they took out the catheter but I still had a drainage tube in me. However the day I returned home I ended up in horrible pain. That night my husband took me into the ER. I was screaming off and on for the hour drive to the hospital due to the pain and because of the runs, I wasn't sure if I'd make it to the hospital in time. I was given pain meds and sent home. The next day I saw my Dr. for a check-up but ended up getting admitted because of the pain and also because it appeared that I wasn't outputting enough urine into my catheter. I was in tears. I didn't want to go back in to the hospital and I did not want to go no TPN again. That night I was in so much pain I couldn't sit, stand, or even get into my bed. I can't describe the pain. It was unlike any pain I had ever felt before. I would scream in pain, my eyes would roll back into my head as I felt like passing out or falling over from the pain. The nurses would come into my room and tell me they could hear me in the hall but it wasn't time yet for more pain meds. I found myself crying out to God, begging Him to either heal me or take me. I was so ready at that point to get to heaven and be free from this suffering and be in a place I have longed for. I would listen to Chris Tomlin's song "Home" and long to go to Heaven. The thought of dying and being in my Savior's presence brought me much settled peace. I wasn't afraid. Yet I knew I had a husband and kids who weren't ready for me to die yet.
I finally I remember the next morning three doctors came to my room, they did an ultrasound on me and then in the local language we heard, "Wow, that's a lot of fluid!" My now fairly empty abdomen was filling up with fluid.
That's when things happened very quickly as within minutes a catheter was placed in me again, much to my dismay because I actually found it really painful when it was in before. And then right there in my hospital bed, they re-cut open one of my sites where I had a drainage tube and they put in a new drain. Within seconds it filled up with fluid. I was then taken down to day surgery where they inserted another drainage tube. I was in tears. I had just been released days before. This meant I would have to stay in the hospital and be away from my kids and my husband longer. At some point I went for a CT scan of some sort where they discovered the fluid was coming from my bladder which appeared to have been nicked during surgery. This meant that that fluid was actually partly urine...gross!!
So I stayed in the hospital for almost a week and then I was sent home with the drainage tubes and the catheter still in me and if I had to use the washroom I had to wake up my husband to help me get up, carry all my tubes, and help me in the bathroom. We both were lacking so much sleep. However, a few days later I was back in the hospital. I was unable to keep food down due to my stomach being sensitive to food, tastes, smells and to the side effects of the strong pain meds I was on. I was continuing to lose weight. They eventually cut me off the strong pain meds due to the side effects (causing me to throw up, etc) and i was forced to have to be ok on just Tylenol type meds. Each time I would beg to go home. My little girl was having such a hard time not having me at home. If friends brought her to see me she'd scream and throw a fit when it was time to leave me at the hospital.
Near the start of the cancer fight my husband bought me boxing gloves. It's something my sister-in-law had bought my Father-in-law when he was battling his own cancer fight a few yrs prior. Over time a few of my friends signed those pink gloves and they are now on display in my home. But I remember one day I was so frail and so weak, and SO so ready to go be with Jesus. My wonderful husband made me put those gloves on, even though I didn't feel like I had fight in me, he took a picture of me and sent it to my friends asking them to pray for me. Finally after 4 weeks of this in and out of the hospital my husband finally asked the Dr. what we were gonna do about the bladder tear.
The day before this my Doctor, who had delivered my daughter a couple yrs prior, came to see me. She told me I should ask the surgeon about doing a day surgery to fix the tear and said that often even obgyn's nick bladders during c-sections, etc and it's an easy thing to repair. So when my husband asked the surgeon if we could consider surgery he told us to give him 24 yrs to think about it. It was almost a relief when he came back that next day to tell us we'd have surgery again. Not that I wanted to go under the knife once again but I wanted to fix this problem so I could begin to heal and move on.
I knew that 6 weeks with the catheter wasn't helping me heal any faster. That night I begged the Dr. to remove it. He did but then this meant that I was up for the washroom about every half hr for sure peeing. My bladder had to learn how to work on it's own without having the use of a catheter. After about 5 more days I was finally released to go home. This was April 13th. My goal was to be home for my son's birthday and that I was. I was so thankful for my girl friends who helped to put things together for my son's birthday party since I was in no shape to plan or even attend the party.
Due to all the hospital stays, frequent bathroom trips, crappy hospital toilet paper, etc I had a horrible and totally painful and big fissure. This hindered me from being able to sit or really be able to do much and took till June to really heal.
When I look back on those moments I can hardly believe I made it through all of that suffering. And now that Christmas is just around the corner I am excited to put ornaments on our tree. Each year we get an ornament to describe and tell a story from that year. I made this appendix cancer ribbon (well I painted it) and I look forward to December 1st when we will set up the tree and I can put this ornament on the tree with a whole lot of gratefulness that I am alive to celebrate Christmas together with my family.
Thursday, 2 November 2017
The Cancer Story Part 2
Before I continue with the story I just want to say I notice many are reading but I am curious who you are so please don't be afraid to leave a comment. I'd love to know who's reading. Plus I need to decide if this blog will remain public or if I will make it private.
Anyways, after my 2nd surgery (the right hemicolectomy) I was told by the surgeon that I would need to meet with an oncologist and consider systemic chemo. After watching my Father-in-law deal with cancers, surgeries and chemo for 10 years I was not eager to take chemo. I had a number of friends send me links to a certain blog about one man who claimed he beat Cancer without chemo, eating naturally, being on a strict diet and taking certain supplements, etc. I had friends calling me trying to tell me about people in their lives who just had surgery and no chemo and that they lived. I felt pressured. I had friends who wanted me to take chemo and didn't like that I was wrestling with what was best for me and my family. If I only had a few years to live I wanted quality of life and to be able to enjoy what was left rather than live with the side effects of chemo and have little quality of life till the end. I had contacted my family doctor back in Canada to ask what his suggestions would be. He informed me that in 35 years of his practise he had only met one one other person who had this type of cancer. The hospital where I had my surgery done had only seen 2 other cases of my cancer before me.
On top of this we went to the recommended oncologist. I had a number of questions for him. He hadn't seen my type of cancer and had not done any research. His recommendation was to put me on 6 months of IV chemo but it was the kind that was recommended to give to colon cancer patients. He seemed VERY annoyed at my questions. And at one point told me that if I had more questions I should book another appointment with him as he had other patients waiting. I knew at that point hat I wasn't going to use him as my oncologist. The more research I did on my cancer the more I realized how rare this was. There are a few different type of appendix cancers but Goblet Cell is pretty rare.
I mentioned in my last post that we were blessed with a landlord who understood pathology reports, etc. He did a lot of research on my type of cancer and was actually pushing me to do HIPEC (Click on this link to see a neat video explaining Hipec). He went with us to a few doctors to ask their opinions, being willing to translate for us if needed. I had sent my pathology report to the doctor who delivered my daughter a few years prior. She spoke great English and helped me to translate my pathology report as well. She started working at a high class hospital where some of the top doctors were working. She had taken my report and sent it to the surgeon and an oncologist at her hospital.
We saw another doctor who suggested we didn't need HIPEC but that I take systemic chemo that is used in Lung cancer patients. Because of the rarity of my cancer there isn't as many studies or research done to know life expectancy or what chemos work best, etc. Again I felt uneasy because I knew I didn't have lung cancer. By the end of the week I was tired from all the different doctor and hospital visits and I was warming up to the idea of HIPEC. In the end I saw the surgeon that Doctor Deniz (the one who delivered my daughter) recommended. He informed me that he had seen one other case of Goblet Cell in his life and that person seemed to be more advanced that what we assumed I was and after surgery this person was still living. He highly recommended doing HIPEC. I knew that worst case scenario I would lose some organs but we had all hoped that wouldn't be the case and just a bit more of my intestines would need to go.
So there I was, already under 100 lbs, my surgery wounds were not healed yet and we were talking about the next surgery. We planned it for February 28th. At first I was told I would be in the hospital for a week and the surgery should last only about 5 hrs. Well I ended up in there for 8 hrs. My surgeon was gifted in that he felt around my organs and was able to feel and removed 15-20 "lesions" (small tumors) as he called it that were all 5mm or less. Later I learned that usually tumors under a CM do not show up on Petscans, MRI's etc. This meant I lost all of my large intestine, I had a complete hysterectomy, the rest of my omentum was taken and my peritoneal wall (the balloon that holds all your organs inside your abdomen. It was an 8 hr surgery. I remember waking up in ICU in so much pain. I didn't know what had all happened. I had a tube down my nose into my stomach to pump out the gross stuff that was in there from surgery. I wanted to see my husband. He was eventually allowed to only see me for 5 minutes. Enough for him to break the news to me of how extensive this all was. Prior to surgery I wasn't given a choice if I wanted a bag or a resection of my bowels. I just woke up with a resection which, at first I thought was the better option, but later I discovered that the large intestine is the part that absorbs the liquid from foods and without that it now meant I would be dealing with chronic runs.
It was after the surgeon informed my husband of the extent of my cancer that my husband felt the Holy Spirit speaking to him and giving him peace and in a sense a release from our work overseas and a blessing to move back to Canada. Though my hubby didn't tell me this for about a week. The oncologist over there told us that we needed to be in a place where there would be limited stress, where I could get good sleep, exercise and eat well. We knew living in a mega city of 22 million people where there was political unrest and terrorist attacks happening that perhaps staying there wasn't the best option. That said, it was a hard decision to actually move back to Canada.
The day after surgery we got an email from dear friends of ours. This email continues to be an encouragement to me and I actually shared it with friends just this week.
Here it is: "So you woke up this morning sick as all hell. You might be thinking about recovery, what you have lost, fears of what may or may not happen, sad about the course of the surgery, wondering and maybe worrying and thinking about any number of different things. Your cut up and have intentionally had poison put in your body and your tired and all kinds of crap. i DON'T EVEN KNOW! I can't even imagine!
I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. Oh that was hard. I started out with 8 different tubes coming out of my body and each day I would beg the surgeon to remove a tube. In hindsight I see I rushed the healing process which only caused more setbacks. It was so hard for my kids. One didn't want to see me with tubes and didn't want to even touch me. The other would cry every time they had to say good-bye. I was BLESSED to have my dear friends over there surround me with love, support, meals, taking me kids for sleep overs or play dates, visiting me in the hospital, helping out whoever they could. I miss those friends who because like family as they helped during such a dark season in our lives. A dear friend from BC flew out to help during those 2 weeks. She swapped off with my husband to take turns staying with the kids or staying with me at the hospital as I needed a lot of help to get up to use the washroom which at that point initially was almost every 20 to 40 minutes. What a gift to be loved and cared for in such practical ways.
This is getting long so I'll continue with Part 3 later....
Anyways, after my 2nd surgery (the right hemicolectomy) I was told by the surgeon that I would need to meet with an oncologist and consider systemic chemo. After watching my Father-in-law deal with cancers, surgeries and chemo for 10 years I was not eager to take chemo. I had a number of friends send me links to a certain blog about one man who claimed he beat Cancer without chemo, eating naturally, being on a strict diet and taking certain supplements, etc. I had friends calling me trying to tell me about people in their lives who just had surgery and no chemo and that they lived. I felt pressured. I had friends who wanted me to take chemo and didn't like that I was wrestling with what was best for me and my family. If I only had a few years to live I wanted quality of life and to be able to enjoy what was left rather than live with the side effects of chemo and have little quality of life till the end. I had contacted my family doctor back in Canada to ask what his suggestions would be. He informed me that in 35 years of his practise he had only met one one other person who had this type of cancer. The hospital where I had my surgery done had only seen 2 other cases of my cancer before me.
On top of this we went to the recommended oncologist. I had a number of questions for him. He hadn't seen my type of cancer and had not done any research. His recommendation was to put me on 6 months of IV chemo but it was the kind that was recommended to give to colon cancer patients. He seemed VERY annoyed at my questions. And at one point told me that if I had more questions I should book another appointment with him as he had other patients waiting. I knew at that point hat I wasn't going to use him as my oncologist. The more research I did on my cancer the more I realized how rare this was. There are a few different type of appendix cancers but Goblet Cell is pretty rare.
I mentioned in my last post that we were blessed with a landlord who understood pathology reports, etc. He did a lot of research on my type of cancer and was actually pushing me to do HIPEC (Click on this link to see a neat video explaining Hipec). He went with us to a few doctors to ask their opinions, being willing to translate for us if needed. I had sent my pathology report to the doctor who delivered my daughter a few years prior. She spoke great English and helped me to translate my pathology report as well. She started working at a high class hospital where some of the top doctors were working. She had taken my report and sent it to the surgeon and an oncologist at her hospital.
We saw another doctor who suggested we didn't need HIPEC but that I take systemic chemo that is used in Lung cancer patients. Because of the rarity of my cancer there isn't as many studies or research done to know life expectancy or what chemos work best, etc. Again I felt uneasy because I knew I didn't have lung cancer. By the end of the week I was tired from all the different doctor and hospital visits and I was warming up to the idea of HIPEC. In the end I saw the surgeon that Doctor Deniz (the one who delivered my daughter) recommended. He informed me that he had seen one other case of Goblet Cell in his life and that person seemed to be more advanced that what we assumed I was and after surgery this person was still living. He highly recommended doing HIPEC. I knew that worst case scenario I would lose some organs but we had all hoped that wouldn't be the case and just a bit more of my intestines would need to go.
So there I was, already under 100 lbs, my surgery wounds were not healed yet and we were talking about the next surgery. We planned it for February 28th. At first I was told I would be in the hospital for a week and the surgery should last only about 5 hrs. Well I ended up in there for 8 hrs. My surgeon was gifted in that he felt around my organs and was able to feel and removed 15-20 "lesions" (small tumors) as he called it that were all 5mm or less. Later I learned that usually tumors under a CM do not show up on Petscans, MRI's etc. This meant I lost all of my large intestine, I had a complete hysterectomy, the rest of my omentum was taken and my peritoneal wall (the balloon that holds all your organs inside your abdomen. It was an 8 hr surgery. I remember waking up in ICU in so much pain. I didn't know what had all happened. I had a tube down my nose into my stomach to pump out the gross stuff that was in there from surgery. I wanted to see my husband. He was eventually allowed to only see me for 5 minutes. Enough for him to break the news to me of how extensive this all was. Prior to surgery I wasn't given a choice if I wanted a bag or a resection of my bowels. I just woke up with a resection which, at first I thought was the better option, but later I discovered that the large intestine is the part that absorbs the liquid from foods and without that it now meant I would be dealing with chronic runs.
It was after the surgeon informed my husband of the extent of my cancer that my husband felt the Holy Spirit speaking to him and giving him peace and in a sense a release from our work overseas and a blessing to move back to Canada. Though my hubby didn't tell me this for about a week. The oncologist over there told us that we needed to be in a place where there would be limited stress, where I could get good sleep, exercise and eat well. We knew living in a mega city of 22 million people where there was political unrest and terrorist attacks happening that perhaps staying there wasn't the best option. That said, it was a hard decision to actually move back to Canada.
The day after surgery we got an email from dear friends of ours. This email continues to be an encouragement to me and I actually shared it with friends just this week.
Here it is: "So you woke up this morning sick as all hell. You might be thinking about recovery, what you have lost, fears of what may or may not happen, sad about the course of the surgery, wondering and maybe worrying and thinking about any number of different things. Your cut up and have intentionally had poison put in your body and your tired and all kinds of crap. i DON'T EVEN KNOW! I can't even imagine!
You're sick as all hell. But you won't always be. Tomorrow you will be better, albeit very, very slightly. And if tomorrow is too far away. In an hour you will be slightly better. Minute by excrutiating minute the Ld is working a miracle through you - in your healing, in your heart, in your marriage and family. His name will be glorified and he has chosen you guys to channel it through in an extraordinary day.
I read something today that made me think of you guys and your determination and faith. It's not terribly religious, but I'm going to write it for you anyway because as I read it I thought to myself, "the enemy is trying to shut them down."
Here it is:
"Be the person that when you wake up and your feet hit the floor, the devil says, "Ah, Shit. They're up." Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
So. Pray. Lean on each other. Take a nap. And when you wake up?
Go kick cancer's ass.
There were days I had little strength left and days I was ready to meet my Savior in heaven and days I didn't know if I could get out of bed. But then I would remember this email and knew that I needed to get my feet on the floor! I wasn't gonna let the enemy win this battle!
I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. Oh that was hard. I started out with 8 different tubes coming out of my body and each day I would beg the surgeon to remove a tube. In hindsight I see I rushed the healing process which only caused more setbacks. It was so hard for my kids. One didn't want to see me with tubes and didn't want to even touch me. The other would cry every time they had to say good-bye. I was BLESSED to have my dear friends over there surround me with love, support, meals, taking me kids for sleep overs or play dates, visiting me in the hospital, helping out whoever they could. I miss those friends who because like family as they helped during such a dark season in our lives. A dear friend from BC flew out to help during those 2 weeks. She swapped off with my husband to take turns staying with the kids or staying with me at the hospital as I needed a lot of help to get up to use the washroom which at that point initially was almost every 20 to 40 minutes. What a gift to be loved and cared for in such practical ways.
This is getting long so I'll continue with Part 3 later....
Wednesday, 1 November 2017
The Cancer Story Part 1
For many of you, who have walked with me this last year you know this story well. But for the sake of my kids, who I hope will read this one day, I wanted to write it out so they can one day read about it. I do hope and pray I will have many years yet. That I will grow old and see my kids get married and have kids. I know that this cancer is rare and aggressive. I had a Dr. appointment this week with a new Dr. for some surgery related stuff and that appointment was over an hr and a half long as 4 or 5 different nurses or doctors wanted to talk to me, weigh me, inform me that I was underweight, hear my health history, etc. The resident was a little fascinated I think with how complicated my story is and said she's only heard about my type of cancer once and that was in a medical book she read for school.
So it all started last September (2016). I was tired, not feeling well, felt like my hair was starting to fall out a bit and after talking to a friend who was wrestling with 7 different auto-immune diseases I figured I should go see my endocrinologist and get my thyroid levels checked again. After some blood work and the 3 hr fasting test I was told my hypothyroidism has moved into Hoshimoto's (auto-immune) and that I had Reactive Hypoglycemia. The news of this stressed me out. Why? Well I researched how I should eat. One diet said to avoid foods like potatoes, and white rice and things that would spike my blood sugar. It suggested eating lots of broccoli and cauliflower and foods in the cruciferous family. The other diet said to avoid or really limit foods in the cruciferous family. Some things one diet said to eat and the other diet said to avoid. I was stressed and for 36 hrs after diagnosis my hands and feet were numb. Later I realized it was from stress. Thankfully a close friend of mine also had the same diagnosis a few yrs prior so she was willing to help me figure out what I could or couldn't eat. She answered MANY of my questions. We lived overseas at this time so I had to try to figure out how to read food labels in the local language as well and to learn how to cook more from scratch. I began to lose weight as I basically cut out or really limit my sugars and sweets and I tried to go gluten free. I went from 117 down to about 110 or less by the end of the year. At first I felt good as the stubborn love handles were gone and I felt good about myself as I was working out and working on being healthy through diet and exercise. But then the weight kept coming off and one day my wedding ring fell off in the clothing store. I guess that's when I realized I had been losing too much weight.
But then I noticed if I ate some sweets I would get some pains in my gut. One day, at the gym, I almost felt like passing out and I had some sharp pains in my gut and had to go home early. We went to a dinner theater one night I think in late November or early December with dear friends of ours. By now I was having more of these painful attacks and my friend looked at me and said, "Rebekah I am concerned and think they have misdiagnosed you. What is there is something else wrong instead?"
December 6, 2017 I had a lot of pain in my gut. I felt constipated and bloated. My hubby ran out to the pharmacy to get me laxatives in an effort to help me sleep. That next day I hopped into a taxi with 2 of my friends to go to the other side of the city as we shared a hotel and attended a 3 day seminar on Life Coaching Training. I was in pain. The pain was under my ribs and throughout those 3 days of training I was often found sitting in the chair holding my hand over my diaphragm. Some people suggested perhaps I had an ulcer or something so my dear friends went with me to the ER one evening. It wasn't the nicest hospital. And because it was at night they couldn't take an x-ray or scan. So I was given pain meds for 3 hrs and eventually was told it was gastritis. I couldn't sleep due to the pain and after the training, once home, I ended up back in the E.R as the pain was only increasing. I heard loud noises going on in my intestines and wasn't sure what was up. Thankfully where we lived it was never a long wait to get into a hospital bed in the ER. I had a topography ct scan and was told I had some small kidney stones. So off I went home, assuming this was the cause and hoping they'd eventually pass.
I was already seeing a dietitian about how I could figure out the best way to eat for the Hypoglycemia and the Hoshimoto's. She didn't like that I was losing weight so together in her Broken English and my Broken Tsh we tried to figure out a plan for what I could eat. Now with the news of kidney stones there were new foods I needed to avoid and new ones I needed to eat. I have never enjoyed cooking and so having to constantly figure out all these dietary needs was stressful. Looking back I am sure that stress didn't help my health at the time.
I was back in the ER later in December as one day I had puked about 15 times and had the runs real bad. My hubby was on the other side of the city. A friend came with me to the ER in a taxi as I could barely walk out the door by myself and was thankful I had a bucket along with me in the taxi. After spending a day in the ER, and having to give a stool sample, I was told that there was a lot of mucus found in the stool sample which meant I had a bowel infection. Now looking back, and understanding my type of cancer, that mucus could have been a sign that there was something else wrong but I didn't see a Gastroenterologist at the time. My dear friend sat with me that whole day. She was the same one who a few weeks earlier wondered if I was misdiagnosed.
I went home with antibiotics but still dealt with the pain, the runs, the noises in my intestines, the sharp pains and the nausea at times. I couldn't sleep at night as I was writhing in pain most of the nights. I saw a urologist and he assured me that the kidney stones I had were so small and they shouldn't be the cause of the pain I was having. I went back to the ER once again because the pain was only getting worse. It was here they told me I should see a Gastroenterologist.
So in January I saw one. I am thankful things moved fast in that country. Within days she performed an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. She was wondering if I had IBS or Crones but in the end she said the only abnormal thing she found was a small stricture where the large intestine connected with the small intestine. She did a biopsy and ordered and MRI just to make sure. The biopsy came back clear. The MRI didn't show anything abnormal (since then I have come to learn that this cancer doesn't normally show up on MRI's and other scans at times). I knew I was born with some bowel issues so just guessed perhaps that stricture was something I was born with. Later I realize that stricture is what was causing a lot of pain as well because foods couldn't travel through so easily through that narrow opening. After a few more days I saw the Dr. again and said, "There must be something wrong. I am in so much pain. Could it be endometriosis or issues with my gull bladder?" So she sent me to the best Ultrasound Tech that she knew. When I look back and see how many tests and hospital visits I had in just over a month before my cancer was found I am so so thankful that I was not living in Canada at the time. Things moved so much faster there and overall I had great care.
January 19th, during the ultrasound, the Tech told me my kidneys were clear, no sign of any stones but then he noticed my appendix was appearing on the screen like a bulls-eye which was a sure sign of appendicitis. I was unable to go home that day. Instead I ended up having an emergency appendectomy. Finally, I thought, finally this must have been the cause of my pain all this time. Well when the Dr. came to see me he informed me that my appendix looked abnormal. Remember he was telling me this in his broken English and his Tsh so I was trying to ask questions and understand all the mdical terminology. He also explained that part of my small intestine looked abnormal as well from the outside, which is where that stricture was. They sent it away to pathology and I went home to heal up from my surgery not thinking too much about it. When I went in for a routine check-up a week later my hubby stopped at the coffee shop in the hospital to grab a coffee and I headed into the office to get my bandages removed and find out the results of the pathology.
We had tickets purchased to watch "La La Land." We were gonna go watch it after I saw the Dr. I asked the Dr. how things were and he said, "Well, it was abnormal and a tumor was found." In shock I asked him to wait until I could find my husband. Together we learned that I had cancer. It was an appendix cancer called Goblet Cell Carcinoid Cancer. It had infilterated my appendix and was moving into my small intestine, thus causing the stricture. At first they told me it was a slow growing kind. I realize that the Tsh people usually don't like to tell you how bad something is at first. We were shocked. If anyone in our family was gonna get cancer we had thought it would be my husband (due to family history of cancer) and not me. Because things move fast they told me they'd like to do a further surgery a week later. It was called a Right Hemicoloctomy where they would remove part of my colon and some of my small intestine and part of my omentum in an attempt to try to remove any residual cancer.
So after not fully recovering from my first surgery (the appendectomy) I was back under the knife for another laparoscopic surgery. I was amazed that they could remove that much of my intestines and omentum laparoscopicly. I was in the hospital for 4 days or so recovering and waiting for my intestines to learn how to work again now that they had been shortened and reconnected. It was here I felt Jesus really near to me. I wrote about it on my other blog (see that post below) but through His Word, prophetic pictures, and other people I really felt He was speaking to me and giving me assurance of His presence with me in this. My mother-in-law came to help out with the kids and our home while I was in the hospital. We were given many gifts of meals, finances to help out with gas, expenses, etc. We felt blessed. Our local friends were there to see me before I was wheeled in for surgery and came to see me after. They wanted to be my family and help take care of me too. I bounced back from that particular surgery really quick. I was told it could take months before my bowels would become "normal" again and within a week or so things were back to normal. I was walking around and gaining strength. When we asked the doctors if they noticed anything abnormal when they did this surgery they said no and assured me they felt they had "got it all."
But then we got the pathology results from that surgery and learned that this cancer actually was an aggressive appendix cancer that behaved like a carcinoma. And even though the Pet scan said there was no cancer the pathology report suggested there was still cancer beyond the surgical borders and I would need to do something more to stop it from spreading. We were blessed to have a landlord who used to work in the States at MD Anderson translating pathology reports. He helped us understand that there was still cancer in me and I needed to look into chemo. Now down to about 100 lbs and feeling like things were moving so fast I couldn't even really process what all was happening to me, to us. I was faced with the reality that this cancer journey wasn't over yet. Thus began investigating and research into next steps.....(blog post #2 to come)
Here is what I wrote on my old blog:
So it all started last September (2016). I was tired, not feeling well, felt like my hair was starting to fall out a bit and after talking to a friend who was wrestling with 7 different auto-immune diseases I figured I should go see my endocrinologist and get my thyroid levels checked again. After some blood work and the 3 hr fasting test I was told my hypothyroidism has moved into Hoshimoto's (auto-immune) and that I had Reactive Hypoglycemia. The news of this stressed me out. Why? Well I researched how I should eat. One diet said to avoid foods like potatoes, and white rice and things that would spike my blood sugar. It suggested eating lots of broccoli and cauliflower and foods in the cruciferous family. The other diet said to avoid or really limit foods in the cruciferous family. Some things one diet said to eat and the other diet said to avoid. I was stressed and for 36 hrs after diagnosis my hands and feet were numb. Later I realized it was from stress. Thankfully a close friend of mine also had the same diagnosis a few yrs prior so she was willing to help me figure out what I could or couldn't eat. She answered MANY of my questions. We lived overseas at this time so I had to try to figure out how to read food labels in the local language as well and to learn how to cook more from scratch. I began to lose weight as I basically cut out or really limit my sugars and sweets and I tried to go gluten free. I went from 117 down to about 110 or less by the end of the year. At first I felt good as the stubborn love handles were gone and I felt good about myself as I was working out and working on being healthy through diet and exercise. But then the weight kept coming off and one day my wedding ring fell off in the clothing store. I guess that's when I realized I had been losing too much weight.
But then I noticed if I ate some sweets I would get some pains in my gut. One day, at the gym, I almost felt like passing out and I had some sharp pains in my gut and had to go home early. We went to a dinner theater one night I think in late November or early December with dear friends of ours. By now I was having more of these painful attacks and my friend looked at me and said, "Rebekah I am concerned and think they have misdiagnosed you. What is there is something else wrong instead?"
December 6, 2017 I had a lot of pain in my gut. I felt constipated and bloated. My hubby ran out to the pharmacy to get me laxatives in an effort to help me sleep. That next day I hopped into a taxi with 2 of my friends to go to the other side of the city as we shared a hotel and attended a 3 day seminar on Life Coaching Training. I was in pain. The pain was under my ribs and throughout those 3 days of training I was often found sitting in the chair holding my hand over my diaphragm. Some people suggested perhaps I had an ulcer or something so my dear friends went with me to the ER one evening. It wasn't the nicest hospital. And because it was at night they couldn't take an x-ray or scan. So I was given pain meds for 3 hrs and eventually was told it was gastritis. I couldn't sleep due to the pain and after the training, once home, I ended up back in the E.R as the pain was only increasing. I heard loud noises going on in my intestines and wasn't sure what was up. Thankfully where we lived it was never a long wait to get into a hospital bed in the ER. I had a topography ct scan and was told I had some small kidney stones. So off I went home, assuming this was the cause and hoping they'd eventually pass.
I was already seeing a dietitian about how I could figure out the best way to eat for the Hypoglycemia and the Hoshimoto's. She didn't like that I was losing weight so together in her Broken English and my Broken Tsh we tried to figure out a plan for what I could eat. Now with the news of kidney stones there were new foods I needed to avoid and new ones I needed to eat. I have never enjoyed cooking and so having to constantly figure out all these dietary needs was stressful. Looking back I am sure that stress didn't help my health at the time.
I was back in the ER later in December as one day I had puked about 15 times and had the runs real bad. My hubby was on the other side of the city. A friend came with me to the ER in a taxi as I could barely walk out the door by myself and was thankful I had a bucket along with me in the taxi. After spending a day in the ER, and having to give a stool sample, I was told that there was a lot of mucus found in the stool sample which meant I had a bowel infection. Now looking back, and understanding my type of cancer, that mucus could have been a sign that there was something else wrong but I didn't see a Gastroenterologist at the time. My dear friend sat with me that whole day. She was the same one who a few weeks earlier wondered if I was misdiagnosed.
I went home with antibiotics but still dealt with the pain, the runs, the noises in my intestines, the sharp pains and the nausea at times. I couldn't sleep at night as I was writhing in pain most of the nights. I saw a urologist and he assured me that the kidney stones I had were so small and they shouldn't be the cause of the pain I was having. I went back to the ER once again because the pain was only getting worse. It was here they told me I should see a Gastroenterologist.
So in January I saw one. I am thankful things moved fast in that country. Within days she performed an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. She was wondering if I had IBS or Crones but in the end she said the only abnormal thing she found was a small stricture where the large intestine connected with the small intestine. She did a biopsy and ordered and MRI just to make sure. The biopsy came back clear. The MRI didn't show anything abnormal (since then I have come to learn that this cancer doesn't normally show up on MRI's and other scans at times). I knew I was born with some bowel issues so just guessed perhaps that stricture was something I was born with. Later I realize that stricture is what was causing a lot of pain as well because foods couldn't travel through so easily through that narrow opening. After a few more days I saw the Dr. again and said, "There must be something wrong. I am in so much pain. Could it be endometriosis or issues with my gull bladder?" So she sent me to the best Ultrasound Tech that she knew. When I look back and see how many tests and hospital visits I had in just over a month before my cancer was found I am so so thankful that I was not living in Canada at the time. Things moved so much faster there and overall I had great care.
January 19th, during the ultrasound, the Tech told me my kidneys were clear, no sign of any stones but then he noticed my appendix was appearing on the screen like a bulls-eye which was a sure sign of appendicitis. I was unable to go home that day. Instead I ended up having an emergency appendectomy. Finally, I thought, finally this must have been the cause of my pain all this time. Well when the Dr. came to see me he informed me that my appendix looked abnormal. Remember he was telling me this in his broken English and his Tsh so I was trying to ask questions and understand all the mdical terminology. He also explained that part of my small intestine looked abnormal as well from the outside, which is where that stricture was. They sent it away to pathology and I went home to heal up from my surgery not thinking too much about it. When I went in for a routine check-up a week later my hubby stopped at the coffee shop in the hospital to grab a coffee and I headed into the office to get my bandages removed and find out the results of the pathology.
We had tickets purchased to watch "La La Land." We were gonna go watch it after I saw the Dr. I asked the Dr. how things were and he said, "Well, it was abnormal and a tumor was found." In shock I asked him to wait until I could find my husband. Together we learned that I had cancer. It was an appendix cancer called Goblet Cell Carcinoid Cancer. It had infilterated my appendix and was moving into my small intestine, thus causing the stricture. At first they told me it was a slow growing kind. I realize that the Tsh people usually don't like to tell you how bad something is at first. We were shocked. If anyone in our family was gonna get cancer we had thought it would be my husband (due to family history of cancer) and not me. Because things move fast they told me they'd like to do a further surgery a week later. It was called a Right Hemicoloctomy where they would remove part of my colon and some of my small intestine and part of my omentum in an attempt to try to remove any residual cancer.
So after not fully recovering from my first surgery (the appendectomy) I was back under the knife for another laparoscopic surgery. I was amazed that they could remove that much of my intestines and omentum laparoscopicly. I was in the hospital for 4 days or so recovering and waiting for my intestines to learn how to work again now that they had been shortened and reconnected. It was here I felt Jesus really near to me. I wrote about it on my other blog (see that post below) but through His Word, prophetic pictures, and other people I really felt He was speaking to me and giving me assurance of His presence with me in this. My mother-in-law came to help out with the kids and our home while I was in the hospital. We were given many gifts of meals, finances to help out with gas, expenses, etc. We felt blessed. Our local friends were there to see me before I was wheeled in for surgery and came to see me after. They wanted to be my family and help take care of me too. I bounced back from that particular surgery really quick. I was told it could take months before my bowels would become "normal" again and within a week or so things were back to normal. I was walking around and gaining strength. When we asked the doctors if they noticed anything abnormal when they did this surgery they said no and assured me they felt they had "got it all."
But then we got the pathology results from that surgery and learned that this cancer actually was an aggressive appendix cancer that behaved like a carcinoma. And even though the Pet scan said there was no cancer the pathology report suggested there was still cancer beyond the surgical borders and I would need to do something more to stop it from spreading. We were blessed to have a landlord who used to work in the States at MD Anderson translating pathology reports. He helped us understand that there was still cancer in me and I needed to look into chemo. Now down to about 100 lbs and feeling like things were moving so fast I couldn't even really process what all was happening to me, to us. I was faced with the reality that this cancer journey wasn't over yet. Thus began investigating and research into next steps.....(blog post #2 to come)
Here is what I wrote on my old blog:
Taste and See
"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him." NIV
"Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh the joys of those who take refuge in him!"NLT Ps 34:8
At the beginning of the yr. I asked Jesus what verse or word He had for me this yr. This was one of the things He gave me. This verse. To be honest it was the first part of the verse he gave but as I looked up the reference right now to write down I noted the second part. There have been some joys along this journey as I have focused on his GOODNESS.
As you've seen from the two posts below this food, diet, etc has been tough for me. I've lost 20 lbs. I had so much pain I couldn't eat well and then there was the cancer. But this verse keeps coming to mind. It's like the Father keeps asking me to remember His GOODNESS in all of this difficulty. To find things to be thankful for. And this week as I had to wait 4 days post surgery (due to healing) to finally get my first taste of real food (but not so desired bland soup) I realized that in those 4 days of hunger pains it was a time the Father wanted me to be sustained by HIM not food. That He will satisfy me. I had parts of my bowels removed so the doctors wanted to make sure things were functioning right before they would let me eat. Each day is a milestone when I can go from drinking 2 cups of water in 24 hrs to 4 cups of water, to having compost and yucky yogurt soup. Hopefully tomorrow's food will be a little more exciting.
Trev bought me a journal to write in about this cancer journey. It is a place where I write verses, songs and promises I have been given. It's where I write a list of things I am thankful for and where I take note of the Father's goodness amidst this trial.
Before my surgery someone prayed we'd have spiritual eyes to see the angels surrounding us just like Elisha did in the OT. To be honest I have seen and felt the army of angels in human form...all of you, rise up around us. As we sent out the update letter informing many of the cancer SO SO many wrote back saying they were praying. Many people asked their prayer groups to pray for me, many people all over the world, many I don't know, are praying for me and my family. So humbling, so encouraging. And I have felt that prayer support literally rise up around me/us.
Our local and foreign friends in this city have become like family. Quickly a meal train was put together for 10 days. Friends band together to help make a plan for child care. Many people gathered to pray for us. We had our local fellowship anoint me and pray for healing as well as our main fellowship from back home (via skype...PTL for technology). Then yes there is all the family and friends back home who have been praying as well. My Mother-in-law just arrived today for 2 weeks to come alongside us and help out where needed. We feel loved and NOT alone. Our local friends realize we don't have family here so they want to step in and be that family and keep telling us IF WE EVER NEED ANYTHING TO LET THEM KNOW! We feel carried.
I would like to note a few ways He's been speaking. The week leading up to the surgery many songs and images were coming to mind about HIM being my anchor in this storm. I was reminded of my dad's tattoo of an anchor and I saw myself sitting on the anchor and just clinging to it. I asked him to draw me a picture of that and he did. People would pray for me and would see a picture of an anchor and without knowing how God was speaking we would just laugh at the point the Father was trying to get across. This was a storm. But He had me and I needed to cling to HIM. I needed to keep my eyes on HIM not the storm.
Today my Mother-in-law said that someone from home gave her money to buy my a rose. Well our local friend told us that at our fellowship today they all ended up on their knees or faces praying for our family and he felt he saw JC coming to me and giving me a rose for healing. The day of surgery I asked JC where he was in the room. I saw him sitting on my bed rubbing my feet. Last night some friends came by. One friend who did not know about this, asked if she could rub my feet with some lotion. I imagined an angel coming behind the Doctor and performing the surgery through him. A friend said that as she prayed for me she felt she saw angels dancing around my hospital bed.
It is the little things that make a difference. It's in focusing on HIS goodness that I find strength and peace. I continue to ask the Father to take this situation and use it for HIS glory. I am fully aware that if this happened 3-4 yrs ago I would be so broken right now. But 4 yrs ago, after my last miscarriage my faith felt like it was nearly shattered and in pieces. I felt like my prayers were hitting the wall. It took two yrs of JC lovingly, and gently putting the pieces back together. He brought about healing and restoration over time. And because of that work that He did I am stronger today and able to face this storm in life with more of a fight and desire to keep my eyes on HIM not on the storm.
No matter how this ends my desire is to say that I have fought the good fight, finished the race and KEPT THE FAITH. I desire to know that when it's time for the Father to call me home it will be when I know that my children are strong in their own faith walks. So because of that I am asking Him to not take me home to heaven now. I'm not ready. I want to make sure my kids know their anchor well before that happens.
Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I finally get this verse. If I think about the future, about what might be next I worry. But if I focus on today, on healing, on the peace that passes all understanding that I am experiencing, on the family and friends that are loving us so much and on the Father's goodness then I am more at peace. So here's for taking life one day at a time.
"Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh the joys of those who take refuge in him!"NLT Ps 34:8
At the beginning of the yr. I asked Jesus what verse or word He had for me this yr. This was one of the things He gave me. This verse. To be honest it was the first part of the verse he gave but as I looked up the reference right now to write down I noted the second part. There have been some joys along this journey as I have focused on his GOODNESS.
As you've seen from the two posts below this food, diet, etc has been tough for me. I've lost 20 lbs. I had so much pain I couldn't eat well and then there was the cancer. But this verse keeps coming to mind. It's like the Father keeps asking me to remember His GOODNESS in all of this difficulty. To find things to be thankful for. And this week as I had to wait 4 days post surgery (due to healing) to finally get my first taste of real food (but not so desired bland soup) I realized that in those 4 days of hunger pains it was a time the Father wanted me to be sustained by HIM not food. That He will satisfy me. I had parts of my bowels removed so the doctors wanted to make sure things were functioning right before they would let me eat. Each day is a milestone when I can go from drinking 2 cups of water in 24 hrs to 4 cups of water, to having compost and yucky yogurt soup. Hopefully tomorrow's food will be a little more exciting.
Trev bought me a journal to write in about this cancer journey. It is a place where I write verses, songs and promises I have been given. It's where I write a list of things I am thankful for and where I take note of the Father's goodness amidst this trial.
Before my surgery someone prayed we'd have spiritual eyes to see the angels surrounding us just like Elisha did in the OT. To be honest I have seen and felt the army of angels in human form...all of you, rise up around us. As we sent out the update letter informing many of the cancer SO SO many wrote back saying they were praying. Many people asked their prayer groups to pray for me, many people all over the world, many I don't know, are praying for me and my family. So humbling, so encouraging. And I have felt that prayer support literally rise up around me/us.
Our local and foreign friends in this city have become like family. Quickly a meal train was put together for 10 days. Friends band together to help make a plan for child care. Many people gathered to pray for us. We had our local fellowship anoint me and pray for healing as well as our main fellowship from back home (via skype...PTL for technology). Then yes there is all the family and friends back home who have been praying as well. My Mother-in-law just arrived today for 2 weeks to come alongside us and help out where needed. We feel loved and NOT alone. Our local friends realize we don't have family here so they want to step in and be that family and keep telling us IF WE EVER NEED ANYTHING TO LET THEM KNOW! We feel carried.
I would like to note a few ways He's been speaking. The week leading up to the surgery many songs and images were coming to mind about HIM being my anchor in this storm. I was reminded of my dad's tattoo of an anchor and I saw myself sitting on the anchor and just clinging to it. I asked him to draw me a picture of that and he did. People would pray for me and would see a picture of an anchor and without knowing how God was speaking we would just laugh at the point the Father was trying to get across. This was a storm. But He had me and I needed to cling to HIM. I needed to keep my eyes on HIM not the storm.
Today my Mother-in-law said that someone from home gave her money to buy my a rose. Well our local friend told us that at our fellowship today they all ended up on their knees or faces praying for our family and he felt he saw JC coming to me and giving me a rose for healing. The day of surgery I asked JC where he was in the room. I saw him sitting on my bed rubbing my feet. Last night some friends came by. One friend who did not know about this, asked if she could rub my feet with some lotion. I imagined an angel coming behind the Doctor and performing the surgery through him. A friend said that as she prayed for me she felt she saw angels dancing around my hospital bed.
It is the little things that make a difference. It's in focusing on HIS goodness that I find strength and peace. I continue to ask the Father to take this situation and use it for HIS glory. I am fully aware that if this happened 3-4 yrs ago I would be so broken right now. But 4 yrs ago, after my last miscarriage my faith felt like it was nearly shattered and in pieces. I felt like my prayers were hitting the wall. It took two yrs of JC lovingly, and gently putting the pieces back together. He brought about healing and restoration over time. And because of that work that He did I am stronger today and able to face this storm in life with more of a fight and desire to keep my eyes on HIM not on the storm.
No matter how this ends my desire is to say that I have fought the good fight, finished the race and KEPT THE FAITH. I desire to know that when it's time for the Father to call me home it will be when I know that my children are strong in their own faith walks. So because of that I am asking Him to not take me home to heaven now. I'm not ready. I want to make sure my kids know their anchor well before that happens.
Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I finally get this verse. If I think about the future, about what might be next I worry. But if I focus on today, on healing, on the peace that passes all understanding that I am experiencing, on the family and friends that are loving us so much and on the Father's goodness then I am more at peace. So here's for taking life one day at a time.
Friday, 27 October 2017
Fight the good fight
On my Bible app this morning this was the verse of the day, "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:12
Upon reading this verse this morning I thought of my friend Dale. Dale entered the presence of our Lord and Savior on Sunday. He not only fought cancer for a few years but he fought the good fight of His faith. I am so saddened that I was unable to attend his funeral but I am told his desire was for Jesus' love to be preached to all who were there and that is what happened.
Dale was one of my best friends in high school. We dated for a month but even though I broke up with him because I wasn't ready to date, he remained a faithful and constant friend. He'd be the one to encourage me to keep living when there were times in my teenage yrs I just wanted to be done here on earth. He was the first one to call me on my birthday and was always there to listen to me. We were both married a week apart. I think we both realized once we were married (or dating other people and on the road to marriage) that we couldn't be each other's person any more. We kept in touch a bit and updated each other on our first kids as both his daughter and my son were born in the same year. But over the last 5 years we lost touch.
However, this past spring I felt nudged to try to get a hold of him and tell him about my cancer. I contacted his wife on FB and shortly after I got a message from Dale asking if we could Skype. He wanted to talk because we had something in common...CANCER. Dale had been walking the cancer journey since 2015 so he was a huge encouragement to me. He and his wife started praying regularly for me and my family. They got their church and prayer circles to pray for me. I would get reply emails to my updates and check in emails from him asking to see how I was doing.
12 yrs ago my pastor, that I interned under in Saskatoon, died of a rare cancer. He was 37 I believe and left behind a 12 and 10 yr old and his wonderful wife. Then when I was diagnosed at age 36 it brought back memories of my pastor friend Dwayne and his own fight against cancer. Dale was just 35 and he leaves behind his wife and two daughters...ages 10 and 8. Being in your 30's and dealing with cancer just seems so unfair and just so wrong. I am so thankful that these two men of Faith had a personal and real relationship with Jesus. My hope in Jesus is the one thing that enables me to have hope and gives me the ability to daily walk though this difficult journey. I really don't know how people walk through something like cancer without having a HOPE in Jesus and without the promise of eternal life in heaven and without the love and help from a supportive community. I am so grateful for all who have gone before me and for all who walk alongside of me.
Upon reading this verse this morning I thought of my friend Dale. Dale entered the presence of our Lord and Savior on Sunday. He not only fought cancer for a few years but he fought the good fight of His faith. I am so saddened that I was unable to attend his funeral but I am told his desire was for Jesus' love to be preached to all who were there and that is what happened.
Dale was one of my best friends in high school. We dated for a month but even though I broke up with him because I wasn't ready to date, he remained a faithful and constant friend. He'd be the one to encourage me to keep living when there were times in my teenage yrs I just wanted to be done here on earth. He was the first one to call me on my birthday and was always there to listen to me. We were both married a week apart. I think we both realized once we were married (or dating other people and on the road to marriage) that we couldn't be each other's person any more. We kept in touch a bit and updated each other on our first kids as both his daughter and my son were born in the same year. But over the last 5 years we lost touch.
However, this past spring I felt nudged to try to get a hold of him and tell him about my cancer. I contacted his wife on FB and shortly after I got a message from Dale asking if we could Skype. He wanted to talk because we had something in common...CANCER. Dale had been walking the cancer journey since 2015 so he was a huge encouragement to me. He and his wife started praying regularly for me and my family. They got their church and prayer circles to pray for me. I would get reply emails to my updates and check in emails from him asking to see how I was doing.
12 yrs ago my pastor, that I interned under in Saskatoon, died of a rare cancer. He was 37 I believe and left behind a 12 and 10 yr old and his wonderful wife. Then when I was diagnosed at age 36 it brought back memories of my pastor friend Dwayne and his own fight against cancer. Dale was just 35 and he leaves behind his wife and two daughters...ages 10 and 8. Being in your 30's and dealing with cancer just seems so unfair and just so wrong. I am so thankful that these two men of Faith had a personal and real relationship with Jesus. My hope in Jesus is the one thing that enables me to have hope and gives me the ability to daily walk though this difficult journey. I really don't know how people walk through something like cancer without having a HOPE in Jesus and without the promise of eternal life in heaven and without the love and help from a supportive community. I am so grateful for all who have gone before me and for all who walk alongside of me.
Wednesday, 18 October 2017
Update and my New Birth story
Today has been a low energy kind of day. I had a list (I keep a little note book on the counter where I can write notes or grocery lists so that I don't forget.) of things I could and wanted to do, but I realized in the end that all felt overwhelming and what I actually needed was a nap. A sweet friend offered to take my daughter for the morning so I was able to have a nap this morning. I am realizing more and more that what I am feeling might be like a type of burn-out...not from ministry per say but from life and all that has happened in the last 9 and a half months. So today was a gift when a wonderful lady from our church showed up with food for supper, along with a few trays of food to freeze. My church has been sweet with setting me up to get a couple of meals a week. This has been so helpful, especially on days like today. My last round of antibiotics finished today and I still feel the infection is there. Now I wonder if I am struggling to even absorb the antibiotics. Nothing new in the medical department, still waiting on getting into specialists.
I find my brain is still slow at processing. The other day I was at our local Co-op and I forgot my Co-op number. The girl who looked up my number actually gave me the wrong number so I used that for a few times, feeling like it wasn't the right number but I couldn't remember the original one. Thankfully the problem is getting dealt with. Today was Awana night. I read the email that comes out for parents and thought tonight was the night the kids were supposed to dress up as their favorite Bible Hero. So I helped them put together costumes, only to realize pretty last minute that it is for next week, not this week. Numbers and dates seem to be hard to remember for me these days.
My son has started to open up more and ask more questions about my cancer and about if I was afraid I was gonna die, and about some of the worries he has had. Both kids continue to figure out how to fit into the culture here. My son made the observation about how the country we just moved from is a HOT climate culture. People are in your space, they touch you all the time, they are very hospitable and friendly and don't like to leave you alone. He's observing how Canadian culture is more like a Cold climate culture. It's not that it's a bad thing, it's just different. Thankfully our little town feels kinds hot climate culturish at times to me. There are many firsts for my son. Taking French class, learning sign language (all of which his class has already been doing for a couple of yrs already) and learning how to curl. He didn't grow up on ice like kids here in Canada do. Every day the kids still ask to move back "home" and want to be with their friends. You know the saying, "The grass is greener on the other side?" My son struggled to adjust to our life and the culture of the country we learned to call "home." But when it was time to move back he suddenly realized how much it felt like home there, how he didn't want to move and how amazing his friends and community were. There is a new family in town who moved to our little community from a European country. She was sharing the other day about her kids struggles in school and their adjusting to a new country/town etc. I so could relate. It's hard to adjust when you don't have the language when you move to a new place. It's also hard to come back and even though you have the language, people change and so does the town. It's a lot to have to relearn all over again. I continue to value all the prayers being sent up on our behalf and I am thankful that my kids are verbally processing all their emotions and feelings that they are sorting through in this season. Please keep praying!
And now I want to continue to share my story....
I became a Christian when I was 4 shortly after we moved into our new house. I remember being tickled on the floor by my aunt who was not a Christian. Suddenly, and seemingly out of now where, to her surprise, I stood up and declared that I wanted to become a Christian. My dad was in the basement painting and so my mom told me to go talk to him. I don't remember the full conversation but I remember that was the day that I confessed my sins and my need for Jesus and I decided I wanted to follow Him for the rest of my life.
Up until I went to Kindergarten I was known as Becky. It wasn't until one day, when I was given a note from my teacher to take to my parents, that I began to read it on the way home and realized she wrote my name as starting with and R instead of a B. So I asked my mom why this was. She went on to explain that my real name was Rebekah. So for the rest of the week at school I refused to answer my teacher whenever she called me Becky. When asked why I did this I simply explained, "My name is Rebekah, it's not Becky!" And ever since then I prefer to NOT be called Becky.
Due to the nature of some things I can't write everything that has happened in my life for just anyone to read. For some of the more defining and personal stories that happened to me, it will have to be shared with my little family as they are old enough to hear it. Let's just say I am who I am because of the years of being able to walk through some tough stuff, all the while learning how to forgive and move forward.
I was a small and determined little girl. Some would say I was strong-willed. I was pretty black and white and bold in my faith. I loved Jesus and I wasn't afraid to tell others about Him. I remember being about 7 and one night my parents were watching a movie with some friends. It was a movie based on the book of Revelation (the last book in the Bible) called, "A Thief In The Night." I woke up because I heard the T.V. on and I walked into the living room to watch a bit. It was the part where the Christians were being beheaded for their faith. However my little mind at the time thought it was that one would get their head cut off if they didn't become a Christian. Talk about a heavy thing to see as a little kid. I had lots of questions after that and that experience. Sure it gave me some nightmares and sleepless nights at first, but it also grabbed my heart with a burden for those people who don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I went to school that week and gathered about 5 of my friends together in the middle of the school field and strongly encouraged them to give their lives to Jesus so that they didn't get their heads cut off. Ok my theology was way off at the time and thankfully I have a better understanding of the tribulation that is to come and a great respect and love for the last book of the Bible, Revelation. I have a great respect for all of the Bible! It's God's Word, living and active and TRUTH!
In elementary school, my principle at the time had called my mom to tell her to ask me to stop gathering kids at the flag pole to pray for the school. I didn't want to. I was a little fire ball, evangelist who wanted all my family and friends to be saved. It wasn't easy being told by certain people, closely associated with our family, that I was brain washed by my parents when I would ask if I could pray at their supper table. Or when they would call me and tell me that I couldn't give their kids Bibles or talk about God with them. It was hurtful. And only just a little taste of persecution that my brothers and sisters in Christ in the persecuted churches face all over the world. Yet that didn't stop me. My faith was important to me. I got a little name card when I was a kid that had a verse on it under my name. 1 Corinthians 15:58, "So my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for your know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." No matter how tough life got and how dark seasons felt I never fully could abandon my Lord and my faith. By His grace He held me together and helped me be immovable. Those teenage years were tough, well growing up in my town as a whole was tough and I often felt alone in my faith, but thankfully He carried me through. More on that at a later time.
I find my brain is still slow at processing. The other day I was at our local Co-op and I forgot my Co-op number. The girl who looked up my number actually gave me the wrong number so I used that for a few times, feeling like it wasn't the right number but I couldn't remember the original one. Thankfully the problem is getting dealt with. Today was Awana night. I read the email that comes out for parents and thought tonight was the night the kids were supposed to dress up as their favorite Bible Hero. So I helped them put together costumes, only to realize pretty last minute that it is for next week, not this week. Numbers and dates seem to be hard to remember for me these days.
My son has started to open up more and ask more questions about my cancer and about if I was afraid I was gonna die, and about some of the worries he has had. Both kids continue to figure out how to fit into the culture here. My son made the observation about how the country we just moved from is a HOT climate culture. People are in your space, they touch you all the time, they are very hospitable and friendly and don't like to leave you alone. He's observing how Canadian culture is more like a Cold climate culture. It's not that it's a bad thing, it's just different. Thankfully our little town feels kinds hot climate culturish at times to me. There are many firsts for my son. Taking French class, learning sign language (all of which his class has already been doing for a couple of yrs already) and learning how to curl. He didn't grow up on ice like kids here in Canada do. Every day the kids still ask to move back "home" and want to be with their friends. You know the saying, "The grass is greener on the other side?" My son struggled to adjust to our life and the culture of the country we learned to call "home." But when it was time to move back he suddenly realized how much it felt like home there, how he didn't want to move and how amazing his friends and community were. There is a new family in town who moved to our little community from a European country. She was sharing the other day about her kids struggles in school and their adjusting to a new country/town etc. I so could relate. It's hard to adjust when you don't have the language when you move to a new place. It's also hard to come back and even though you have the language, people change and so does the town. It's a lot to have to relearn all over again. I continue to value all the prayers being sent up on our behalf and I am thankful that my kids are verbally processing all their emotions and feelings that they are sorting through in this season. Please keep praying!
And now I want to continue to share my story....
I became a Christian when I was 4 shortly after we moved into our new house. I remember being tickled on the floor by my aunt who was not a Christian. Suddenly, and seemingly out of now where, to her surprise, I stood up and declared that I wanted to become a Christian. My dad was in the basement painting and so my mom told me to go talk to him. I don't remember the full conversation but I remember that was the day that I confessed my sins and my need for Jesus and I decided I wanted to follow Him for the rest of my life.
Up until I went to Kindergarten I was known as Becky. It wasn't until one day, when I was given a note from my teacher to take to my parents, that I began to read it on the way home and realized she wrote my name as starting with and R instead of a B. So I asked my mom why this was. She went on to explain that my real name was Rebekah. So for the rest of the week at school I refused to answer my teacher whenever she called me Becky. When asked why I did this I simply explained, "My name is Rebekah, it's not Becky!" And ever since then I prefer to NOT be called Becky.
Due to the nature of some things I can't write everything that has happened in my life for just anyone to read. For some of the more defining and personal stories that happened to me, it will have to be shared with my little family as they are old enough to hear it. Let's just say I am who I am because of the years of being able to walk through some tough stuff, all the while learning how to forgive and move forward.
I was a small and determined little girl. Some would say I was strong-willed. I was pretty black and white and bold in my faith. I loved Jesus and I wasn't afraid to tell others about Him. I remember being about 7 and one night my parents were watching a movie with some friends. It was a movie based on the book of Revelation (the last book in the Bible) called, "A Thief In The Night." I woke up because I heard the T.V. on and I walked into the living room to watch a bit. It was the part where the Christians were being beheaded for their faith. However my little mind at the time thought it was that one would get their head cut off if they didn't become a Christian. Talk about a heavy thing to see as a little kid. I had lots of questions after that and that experience. Sure it gave me some nightmares and sleepless nights at first, but it also grabbed my heart with a burden for those people who don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I went to school that week and gathered about 5 of my friends together in the middle of the school field and strongly encouraged them to give their lives to Jesus so that they didn't get their heads cut off. Ok my theology was way off at the time and thankfully I have a better understanding of the tribulation that is to come and a great respect and love for the last book of the Bible, Revelation. I have a great respect for all of the Bible! It's God's Word, living and active and TRUTH!
In elementary school, my principle at the time had called my mom to tell her to ask me to stop gathering kids at the flag pole to pray for the school. I didn't want to. I was a little fire ball, evangelist who wanted all my family and friends to be saved. It wasn't easy being told by certain people, closely associated with our family, that I was brain washed by my parents when I would ask if I could pray at their supper table. Or when they would call me and tell me that I couldn't give their kids Bibles or talk about God with them. It was hurtful. And only just a little taste of persecution that my brothers and sisters in Christ in the persecuted churches face all over the world. Yet that didn't stop me. My faith was important to me. I got a little name card when I was a kid that had a verse on it under my name. 1 Corinthians 15:58, "So my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for your know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." No matter how tough life got and how dark seasons felt I never fully could abandon my Lord and my faith. By His grace He held me together and helped me be immovable. Those teenage years were tough, well growing up in my town as a whole was tough and I often felt alone in my faith, but thankfully He carried me through. More on that at a later time.
Thursday, 12 October 2017
Hope
Psalm 39:7 "My only HOPE is in You."
Today I had this song on repeat.
In every season, in every change
You are near
In every sorrow, You are my strength
You are near
A peace in the storm
Your voice I will follow
In weakness I rise
Remembering You hold my world
I’m holding on to hope
I’m holding on to grace
I’m fully letting go
I’m surrendered to Your ways
The anchor for my soul
Father You will never change
I love You, I love You
My great Redeemer
My constant Friend
You are near
My faithful Father, You took me in
You are near
I will remember Your promise forever
My Strength, my Defender
I can count on You
You are my Savior, My Hope and my Shelter
Your love is forever
I can count on You
I am thankful that He's my peace in the storms of life, in the every day struggles. That in my weakness I can rise knowing He holds my world. That He's my anchor for my weary soul and that He will NEVER change. He's my Redeemer and constant friend and the one I can count on.
Today I had this song on repeat.
You are near
In every sorrow, You are my strength
You are near
A peace in the storm
Your voice I will follow
In weakness I rise
Remembering You hold my world
I’m holding on to hope
I’m holding on to grace
I’m fully letting go
I’m surrendered to Your ways
The anchor for my soul
Father You will never change
I love You, I love You
My great Redeemer
My constant Friend
You are near
My faithful Father, You took me in
You are near
I will remember Your promise forever
My Strength, my Defender
I can count on You
You are my Savior, My Hope and my Shelter
Your love is forever
I can count on You
I am thankful that He's my peace in the storms of life, in the every day struggles. That in my weakness I can rise knowing He holds my world. That He's my anchor for my weary soul and that He will NEVER change. He's my Redeemer and constant friend and the one I can count on.
Wednesday, 11 October 2017
Health update
So this past Thursday I had my CT scan and I got my results yesterday. The scan was clear. Well, minus the fact that there was a small kidney stone that was found. But this time my liver looked normal so that was good. My oncologist is so patient and willing to answer my questions as best as he can. He said he'll be concerned about me for the next 3 or 4 yrs and if nothing shows up on scans during that time than he'll start to worry about me less. :0) He said that most of my pain and discomfort must be coming from affects of the surgery. I see my surgeon for a check-up in January and then will have a scan and a follow-up with the oncologist in March, barring that I don't have any symptoms that make me think I need to see him sooner.
I am now waiting for a urologist appointment which won't be till the end of November, to possibly do a scope or something else, to try to figure out the root cause of the chronic bladder infections. Last night was a brutal night. I basically held my hand over my bladder and gut all night as I was in pain and unable to really sleep. This happens often, where pain keeps me up. If people see me out and about they may think I am having a "good" day. What they don't see is the many bathroom trips before and after and during an outing. They don't see the pain or the discomfort I am feeling on a regular basis. They don't often see the effort it takes to get out of the house. But for my kids sake I try my best to have some sort of normalcy for them and me.
I started the pancreatic enzymes today. It's an attempt to help my body better absorb the nutrients from the food I am eating. I have a pain specialist appointment, a gyno appointment, a urologist appointment and a gastro intestinal appointment coming up at some point. These are all appointments meant to try to help me better deal with the various issues I am still battling, an attempt to help me gain better quality of life.
I am realizing more and more the affects of the chemo, the 5 times I was put under for surgeries/procedures this year, and the lack of sleep on my ability to process and function. I get overwhelmed easily with noise. I get stressed more easily and the idea of driving in the city, with all the traffic feels almost claustrophobic in a way. It's hard to explain. I don't like how "stupid" I feel at times and how slow my brain seems to function or remember at other times. I am thankful for the few friends who have been willing to drive me in the city and even come with me to my appointments to take notes and better help me remember the conversations I have with the doctors...what a blessing that has been. What I find stressful is not only looking for rides but also for child care. Thankfully so far the Lord has provided each time there's been an appointment.
So I informed some of my friends about the results of the CT scan. My one friend wrote and said, "That's good, right? What is your intuition?" She knows that these scans don't always tell it as it is. I was just thinking this morning about how I need to choose to walk in thankfulness for a clear scan. That I need to see it as positive and not walk in fear of the unknown or "what-ifs" so that I can be more positive. Then I read my devos and this stood out to me:
"While you are in the throes of adversity, your greatest challenge is to keep on trusting that I am both sovereign and good. Do not expect to understand My ways; for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways and thoughts higher than yours. When you respond to trouble with thanksgiving-convinced that I can bring good out of the most difficult situations-I am pleased. This act of faith encourages you and glorifies Me. I rejoice when My struggling children give thanks to Me in song!"
So today, as tired as I am, I look to Him with thankfulness, gratitude that the scan was clear, that for the first time since March I am 84 lbs. Hopefully things will keep improving!
On a different note on Saturday I was able to meet a fellow appendix cancer friend at the mall. We met on my appendix cancer FB group. She is going for her HIPEC (major surgery plus hot chemo) later this month. I am thankful for the opportunity I have had to get to know her and hopefully be an encouragement or be someone she can ask questions to about this procedure. That is something I didn't have heading into mine back in Feb. I was really clueless about recovery, etc. I am SO thankful for all the prayers that have been sent up on my behalf, especially this year. If you can also prayer for my friend Chantale I am sure she'd appreciate those prayers.
I am now waiting for a urologist appointment which won't be till the end of November, to possibly do a scope or something else, to try to figure out the root cause of the chronic bladder infections. Last night was a brutal night. I basically held my hand over my bladder and gut all night as I was in pain and unable to really sleep. This happens often, where pain keeps me up. If people see me out and about they may think I am having a "good" day. What they don't see is the many bathroom trips before and after and during an outing. They don't see the pain or the discomfort I am feeling on a regular basis. They don't often see the effort it takes to get out of the house. But for my kids sake I try my best to have some sort of normalcy for them and me.
I started the pancreatic enzymes today. It's an attempt to help my body better absorb the nutrients from the food I am eating. I have a pain specialist appointment, a gyno appointment, a urologist appointment and a gastro intestinal appointment coming up at some point. These are all appointments meant to try to help me better deal with the various issues I am still battling, an attempt to help me gain better quality of life.
I am realizing more and more the affects of the chemo, the 5 times I was put under for surgeries/procedures this year, and the lack of sleep on my ability to process and function. I get overwhelmed easily with noise. I get stressed more easily and the idea of driving in the city, with all the traffic feels almost claustrophobic in a way. It's hard to explain. I don't like how "stupid" I feel at times and how slow my brain seems to function or remember at other times. I am thankful for the few friends who have been willing to drive me in the city and even come with me to my appointments to take notes and better help me remember the conversations I have with the doctors...what a blessing that has been. What I find stressful is not only looking for rides but also for child care. Thankfully so far the Lord has provided each time there's been an appointment.
So I informed some of my friends about the results of the CT scan. My one friend wrote and said, "That's good, right? What is your intuition?" She knows that these scans don't always tell it as it is. I was just thinking this morning about how I need to choose to walk in thankfulness for a clear scan. That I need to see it as positive and not walk in fear of the unknown or "what-ifs" so that I can be more positive. Then I read my devos and this stood out to me:
"While you are in the throes of adversity, your greatest challenge is to keep on trusting that I am both sovereign and good. Do not expect to understand My ways; for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways and thoughts higher than yours. When you respond to trouble with thanksgiving-convinced that I can bring good out of the most difficult situations-I am pleased. This act of faith encourages you and glorifies Me. I rejoice when My struggling children give thanks to Me in song!"
So today, as tired as I am, I look to Him with thankfulness, gratitude that the scan was clear, that for the first time since March I am 84 lbs. Hopefully things will keep improving!
On a different note on Saturday I was able to meet a fellow appendix cancer friend at the mall. We met on my appendix cancer FB group. She is going for her HIPEC (major surgery plus hot chemo) later this month. I am thankful for the opportunity I have had to get to know her and hopefully be an encouragement or be someone she can ask questions to about this procedure. That is something I didn't have heading into mine back in Feb. I was really clueless about recovery, etc. I am SO thankful for all the prayers that have been sent up on my behalf, especially this year. If you can also prayer for my friend Chantale I am sure she'd appreciate those prayers.
Wednesday, 4 October 2017
Just an honest post
It’s Wednesday night, that means I get some alone time. It’s so hard to know how to spend my alone
time. I could organize the many rooms
that need cleaning and de-cluttering or I could journal, read, blog, sleep, do my
physio, bake, etc. The other day I had a
babysitter and since I had canceled one appointment
it meant I had a couple of hours to myself.
I spent some time starting to color in my adult coloring book my friend Cheryl
mailed to me when I was in the hospital this past spring. I turned to a page that had the verse that
the Lord gave me at the start of the year and started to
color. It was actually stress releasing
and calming. Yet also a reminder of the way the Father has used this verse to speak to me over this past year. When
there were many of times I couldn’t eat due to surgery preps, or after
surgeries, or where gaining weight has been a struggle and food a battle to
have it stay in me long enough to absorb the nutrients I needed to taste and see His goodness, not the
food. He was sustenance when food was/is
not. And It’s my reminder to continue to
take refuge in Him. I am still waiting
on a call from the GI specialist for an appointment so we can see about any
other suggestions to stop the chronic runs so that I can live a some-what
normal life. I long to not have to be stressed every time I leave my home, making
sure I know where a washroom is in case I need it. I long to be able to eat without worrying how it will affect my digestive system or if I can even eat it in the first place. I need to give those worries and fears over
to the Lord and gain strength from Him each day.
Stress is something I deal with regularly. I am working through a book with a sweet friend
on managing stress. I am learning that I
need to prayerfully say “no” to some things, which is hard.
But in this season I have little strength and energy to do all that I
wish I could do or all I have been invited to do. I’ve been asked to be part of 5 different
bible studies, or help with Awana or other things but I just can’t say yes, or
I feel overwhelmed. Partly because I
never know how I will be feeling that day.
Partly because I have little energy to actually read more books or be
out and about so much. But oh I wish I
could get more involved and connect more in groups like this.
I am thankful for the few faithful friends who I know I can
call on if I need help with watching my kids or for friends who have
volunteered to drive me in for appointments or bring some meals to help take
some of the stress I feel off of my shoulders.
Yet I feel guilty. Guilty because
it’s been 8 months since my last surgery and I feel like I should be able to
manage more things, but to be honest I just have not bounced back like I wish I
could. I don’t sleep at night. The pain or insomnia keeps me up. I am not at my full capacity mentally,
spiritually, emotionally or physically.
And that is hard for me to accept.
But slowly I’m learning that I have to not care about the weeds on my
yard or the clutter in my house. I have
to not be afraid to ask for help…that’s a hard one. Some people are easier to ask for help from
than others. And for some strange reason
I feel guilty asking for help. My
Father-in-law walked this road of cancer and recovery after surgeries before I
did. He was a testimony of not
complaining through it all. I long to
take after Him in that but I will admit it’s hard to know when people ask how I
am doing what to say. Hard to know when to be honest and say I am really
struggling right now, or when to just smile and say, “Today is a good day. There are some good days and bad days and
today is a good day.”
So tomorrow I have a CT scan. I was due for one in December but due to not
feeling quite right they moved it up. I
realize the radiation isn’t best to be subjected to so regularly and I realize
that it might cause a secondary cancer 20 yrs down the road but for now I hope
it can bring some peace of mind. And to
be honest I don’t know of too many people who have lived 20 years with the
cancer I have so if that were to happen that would be a miracle in itself. It’s so hard because I know from the research
I have done this cancer usually won’t show up on scans and blood work but how
else do you try to monitor it without just opening me up every 6 mths to see
what’s really going on inside? The pain
could just be due to a chronic uti infection I’ve been battling off and on this
summer or it could be the cancer being back or just my body still adjusting
after such massive surgeries. I don’t
know, but I do know I wish I could sleep so that I had more energy to
accomplish daily tasks and be the mom and wife my kids and hubby need me to be.
On a different note, October is miscarriage, infant loss and
stillborn awareness month. (I'll save another post to talk specifically about my losses and how the Lord was with me in that dark season). When I learn
of women finding out about this cancer after trying to discover why they are
dealing with infertility, and discovering it all over inside through a laparoscopy,
I am so thankful that I have my two kiddos to take care of. I am saddened and miss the 3 I lost but I am
thankful I still got to be mom and this cancer didn’t rob me of that. My heart is saddened for those who have had
to lose the dream of having a baby due to the brutality of cancer taking over
their reproductive areas. I have a
picture representing my 3 babies up in my room.
Then my dear friend Heather made me a picture. The biggest rock represents Jesus, the two
leaning on the rock are to represent me and Trev and the other two rocks
represent my 2 kiddos. Then there are 3
red beads…those represent the 3 we lost.
My friend has always been good at coming alongside me and remembering my
losses.
The picture of the person looking through the dark woods at
the light reminds me of the dream I had days before the airport attack in the
city we lived in last yr. Through the
dream I felt the Lord inviting me to look to HIM, the light, and not at all the
darkness and evil around me. As I
continue to walk out this road ahead of me I know I need to keep my eyes on
Him. I read in my devotional this
morning about not fearing bad news. So
much evil is taking place in this world but the Lord asks us to Trust HIM and
in Psalm 112:7 He says, “They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are
steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” So I
humble myself before the Lord to admit the fears, stress and weaknesses I’ve
been feeling, repent and ask for His strength and help to fully Trust Him, and
to ask for help to have my heart remain steadfast on Him. So tomorrow as I head into my scan I will do
what I encourage many others to do. I
will ask Jesus where He is in the room with me.
I will focus on His presence instead of all the “what if’s” that could
fill my head in those moments. Thanks
for your prayers.
And just a little reminder that Jesus cares about me. I lost a necklace in Ontario this summer when I was there for a debreif retreat. This was a special necklace given to me from my close friend overseas. I was heart broken that I lost it. At first I was told they couldn't find it but just tonight I got an email saying it has been found and will be emailed to me. I had tears in my eyes as I read that. :0)
Thursday, 28 September 2017
The beginning...
This past weekend was rather sobering for me when I learned
that a friend of mine’s cancer had returned and he was now being told his tumor
was inoperable. Within that same week I
heard of another person I know who was given a couple of months to live. My heart was heavy and I began to realize
once again that I need to take EACH day as a day to be grateful for and
thankful for. I also had the opportunity
to skype with a friend who asked me the hard questions, but the ones that need
to be asked, like: “If I were to die how do I want to prepare my family for
that senerio and what do I want to do to help them in their grief?” This is one reason why I started this
blog. I want to leave my “Story” behind
for my kids to read. I want them to
attest to the Faithfulness of God. Just
this week my son and I were talking and he asked, “How do you know Jesus is the
one true God?” I began to share a bit
about my story. Parts of it he had not
heard before. I listed off the reasons I
believe Jesus the True God. It’s through
my story that I see God’s hand on my life over and over and I can’t deny Him
and His work in my life.
So it all begins when I was in my mother’s womb. My mom was maybe 4 months pregnant with me
when a blood clot was found near my heart and there was also one near my mom’s
groin. The doctors were concerned those blood
clots would move and kill me. My mom was
sent to The Pas, two hours away from where I grew up, and there the doctors
told my parents that they needed to abort me.
If they did abort me then they could save my mom’s life, if they didn’t,
then it was possible both my mom and myself would die. I guess our heart beats were not normal and
they were told that if they didn’t go back to normal they would take me right
away.
My dad went straight to the Pastor and asked people to begin
praying for my mom and me. When my mom was in the ICU at The Pas she
said she was kept sedated in a dark room but clearly felt God was at her side
and He whispered, “BE STILL AND KNOW I AM THE I AM, My name will be lifted
high.” She said she wanted to touch Him.
She must have reached out to touch him because then she remembers the nurse
coming in quickly and covering her back up telling her she couldn’t get up and
needed to stay in her bed (to try to prevent the blood clot from moving into a
more dangerous place). Through prayer, our
hearts stabilized enough for my mom to be airlifted to Winnipeg. There was one lady from our little church who
said, when she was praying that she heard angels singing and it was then that
the blood clot moved and my heart was stabilized. There too the doctors in Winnipeg recommended
abortion. They assumed if I lived I
would be born with Down Syndrome. In
Winnipeg my mom saw Jesus holding a baby and he said, “I come that you may have
life” and he outstretched his arms to her.
My mom had a lot of complications while carrying me and
spent most of the last part of her pregnancy in Winnipeg, on IV heparin due to
the blood clots, while my dad was up north caring for my older sister, who was
like a yr and a half at the time. Mom had
placenta previa so there was even more concern for her and my life. The last 6 weeks of her pregnancy, in order
to get out of the hospital, she had to stay in Winnipeg with friends so she
could be near the hospital while giving herself injections every 8 hrs, all
while my dad was taking care of my sister up north. I was supposed to be born mid Jan but finally
the doctors took me 2 days before Christmas.
I was born 7 lbs 2 oz but was home at 6 lbs or less due to health
issues. My stomach opening only opened
half way. This meant my mom had to feed
me an ounce every half hour or I’d throw it all up. I was born with Hirschsprung disease which is
disease of the bowels.
Due to these health issues at the age of 3
months old I was only 9 lbs 1oz. I could
not gain weight. I was not growing. I was in ICU for 10 days, and in the hospital
for 3 weeks after I was born. By a year
and a half I was rushed to Winnipeg where the Doctors wondered if I was being
abused because I was so malnourished and sick.
My bowels did not work. I was so
backed up and my bowels were blown to the size of an adults. I would scream in pain A LOT because I was in
so much pain and unable to go to the bathroom.
They needed to flush out my
bowels but that procedure is normally not done on babies. They weren’t sure I’d survive if they
performed it and they worried my bowels would explode. They irrigated my bowels. While this was happening my mom was praying
and she felt she heard the Lord give her Jeremiah 1:5 for me. “Before I formed
you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed
you as a prophet to the nations.” (As a
side note this verse has become one of my life verses). She would later say it was only their faith
in God that held them through this difficult time.
I walked and talked later than most kids. The doctors said if I wasn’t walking by 2 then
they would have me go for a Cystic Fibrosis test. Well at 1 month before I turned 2 I
walked. I am not the brightest crayon in
the box but I wouldn’t say I am stupid either.
I worked hard for my good grades and graduated as the third highest in
my grade 12 and I graduated from my 4th yr. of college with top
honours. My mom calls me her miracle
baby.
So due to the Hirschsprungs my sphincter in my bum did not
work. As a baby they stretched my sphincter, but by the age of 5, due to some
blood in my stools they wondered if they would have to perform a full
colostomy. My brain would tell my body
that I needed to poop but by sphincter would not open. My parents prayed hard and the Doctor looked at
my parents before they wheeled me into the surgery room, and said, “I know you
are praying people so just pray.” My
parents prepared for the reality that I might not come out of the surgery. In the end they did not need to remove my bowels,
they just repaired and added to or remade my sphincter. I remember that surgery well and how scared I
was going through those surgery doors, having to leave my mom on the other
side. I lived off of laxatives for yrs
and hated my regular trips to The Pas to see doctors for check ups. I would scream not wanting them to touch me
or check my bum. My mom said that on one
of the doctor visits back to Winnipeg one of the nurses was so surprised to see
that I was alive after all I had been through.
I know my life is a miracle.
I used to be shy and not want anyone to know this part of my
story because it had to do with my bowels.
Now I think it’s interesting that I deal with quit the opposite, I no
longer have a colon and I deal with short bowel syndrome. So instead of being backed up real bad I
can’t seem to get on top of the chronic runs.
Yet I continue to live and fight for life. My mom recently saw two of the doctors who
dealt with my issues and my mom’s health issues when I was young. They were saddened to hear of my cancer
diagnosis knowing full well what all I went through so many years before. But praise the Lord I am still here. Many times the doctors didn’t think I would
survive and live. They didn’t think I’d
make it past the age of 5. Well I am
turning 37 at the end of this year. That’s something to praise the Lord about! Though I am so ready to meet my Savior Jesus
and I have complete peace about heaven, I have two little miracles of my own
and an amazing husband who are not ready to say good-bye yet. And so I choose to believe the Lord has
something else in-store for me yet. His
call on my life has not been removed! I
will fight and choose life until it’s my time to enter those pearly gates. Trusting His name will be praised through my
story, past-present-and future.
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