Gifts

This weekend we will be celebrating Christmas while giving and exchanging gifts.  This will be fun but as I think about this past year it is more clear to me than ever that I don't need any gifts.  The only things I'd really want is a baseball glove so I can play catch with my kids in the summer, and money towards some of the chemical free products, or sugar free products, that I have been buying or adding to my wish list as I make ditch and switches in my home in an attempt to live and eat healthier.  Really though I don't need anything.  I have the best gifts right here with me.  My little family.

Anyways, as I think back to this past year I want to write down some of the gifts we received so that I don't forget and so that I can remember the goodness of the Lord when we were in such a dark valley.

In no particular order:
My husband has been faithful since we started dating but in this last yr he has really become my rock.  He's held our family together, took on the role of caregiver to me and mommy/daddy to my kids when I was stuck in and out of the hospital from January 19 to the middle of April.  He was a constant support and I remember clearly laying next to him in my hospital bed, watching movies, or having him read emails to me and him replying (I was too tired or nauseated at times to read and write).  After my 4th surgery I couldn't move for 12 hrs so he was faithfully by my side to help bed pan me when I needed to use the washroom.  When I was unable to get in an out of bed for weeks due to all the tubes I had coming out of me and to all the pain I was dealing with he was there to help me every step of the way. What a incredible servant-hearted gift he is.

My kids are a gift.  They are what motivated me to fight.  I knew that even though I was ready to go be with Jesus my husband and my kids were not ready to see me go yet.  So I fought hard and begged doctors almost every day to let me go home. I just wanted to be with my kids as I saw how hard it was on them for me to be in the hospital and away from them.

How quickly my surgeries happened and the fact that the main surgeon was able to feel around in surgery and discover the microscopic tumors and remove them is amazing.  It's a blessing.

I had many friends overseas who took me to the ER or watched my kids so my husband could take me (that was off and on over December 2016 and January 2017) and then who took turns watching the kids or visiting me while I was in the hospital this spring.  Having friends walk with me though the valley of the shadow of death...it's indescribable how much that meant and how it deepened those friendships.

We had meals provided a few times a week.  This helped take off some of the stress which was amazing.

Friends came to paint my toe nails, braid my hair, entertain me, pray with me, visit, sleep in the hospital room with me, sneak food into my room, make me homemade chicken bone broth to help me get my protein, Friends from afar sent cards and money to help get a cleaning lady, for meals, and to help us with the expenses of packing up our home and having to move back to Canada.  We felt loved and cared for.

The doctor who delivered my daughter became a gift all over again as she lead us to the surgeon who performed my massive surgery.  She would take time out of her work (and at one point skipped out on the last part of a date with her husband to come see me in my hospital room) to check in on me.  She also is the one who convinced me to push the surgeon a bit to get my bladder tear fixed in surgery rather than continuing to wait for it to heal on it's own.

My favorite neighbor made me fresh yogurt and potatoe borek every week once she knew I was ill and it was something I could eat.

Having had local insurance was a gift as it helped us not have to worry about all the medical costs that incurred having had 4 surgeries this year.

Having family and friends come out from BC and MB to come take turns watching the kids, visiting me in the hospital and even helping to pack up our home and bring back some of our bags...a huge gift and blessing to us!  I was thankful some of our family were able to see where we lived and how we lived so that when we now talk about our time overseas they will have a greater understanding.

The Lord provided this house we now live in, He brought people alongside us to help clean our house, windows, paint the house and fill it with groceries and bless us with co-op gift cards or money to help us settle in.  We were humbled.

The Lord opened the door for my husband to have a job when we moved that is only a 3 minute walk from our home.  So amazing!  And it's a job he loves which is an added blessing.

I have been given the gift of an amazing medical team here in MB as they all try to work together to help me gain the weight needed.  I am still 83 lbs and the dietitian (who is a believer by the way...another gift) will call me every now and then to check in on me.  She wants me to get to at least 100 lbs.  The oncologist, pain doctor, urologist, family doctor, surgeon, dietitian, etc all are on my side and want to help me figure out how to get better.  I am blessed.

We were given a car to use this summer.

Someone paid for me to fly business class on the way home and Trev's aunt came to help fly with the kids so that I could get rest and be more comfortable on the long flight home.

People here have loved on us with meals, rides to appointments, prayers, help with kids etc.

It's been a gift to be closer to family on both sides and we are thankful we get to celebrate the holidays with both of our families.

We found an amazing babysitter (she and her family love well on my daughter) who helps out a couple times a week so I can get rest and also get to doctor appointments.

A friend of mine has been so gracious and willing to help often on preschool days to take my daughter to school along with her daughter.  She and another friend of mine have been so good at helping to watch my kids when I have appointments. 

I am thankful for the ability to rekindle old friendships here in town and in Canada as well as new relationships we are getting to build.  Thankful for the gift of what's app so I can stay in touch with my friends back overseas too.

On Saturday I turn another year older!  I feel humbled and thankful that I get to be alive when in all honesty I really didn't think I'd get to this point earlier in the year.  I am grateful and hope that I will have many more years yet as I long to grow old with my husband and to see my kids grown up and get married and have kids of their own.

Thank You Jesus for life, for loving me and walking with me and never leaving my side!

Seeds and other reflections

There was a moment last week where I was driving and I was reminded of a time in my life where Jesus kept speaking about Pearls to me.  (I can save that story for another time).  I said a little prayer, asking Jesus to speak once again to me in that way.

Friday night the house was quiet, everyone was asleep but me.  Being wide awake I decided to sit in the living room, doing some of my physio while watching a little video about home based businesses.  I am trying to figure out what to do with myself.  Making some extra cash to help my family out would be a blessing.  I am desiring to go chemical and toxin free in my home but that means having to have money to get rid of some stuff and replace it with stuff that is safer for me and my family yet may seem more expensive at the start. (If you are interested to learn more about what I am doing in this area feel free to send me an email and I'd love to share more).  Anyways, I was watching this video and what stood out to me was how this lady was talking about seeds.  She said something to the effect that each time you talk to someone about a product, etc, it's like planting seeds in the person's life.  I won't go into what all she said but what stood out was the words SEEDS and I thought about how sharing the Gospel is also like planting seeds.  

The next morning I woke up to an email from a friend who is living in the city we just moved back from 6 months ago.  The little fellowship that we helped to start is growing and it's exciting and it had it's official opening this past weekend.  She wrote this, "Today is the official opening.  I am excited to celebrate the seeds you and your husband (and others) planted!  Nothing of what you guys did here is in vain.  God sees the big picture and he is the one who gives life to the seeds we plant.  God is building his Ch..ch.

She sent me some pictures and a little video of 150 people singing one of my favorite local songs.  Later in the day our local friend sent an email thanking my husband for the seeds that he helped to plant and sent even more pictures of the opening.  Then my husband got a message from one of our friends who was there at the opening and he mentioned that he was sitting in the back of the fellowship, watching what was all happening and had tears in his eyes.  Wishing we were there to witness it and thankful for the seeds that we got to plant there.  

That evening as a family we put on our Bible app and listened to the next chapter we were to read in Luke.  It happened to be Luke 8 with the parable of the seed and sower.  And my son pointed out that the Adventures in Odyssey that we listened to earlier in the day was also about seeds.  So our ears perked up and we began to thank the Lord for speaking but also asked Him to further explain what was on His heart.

Yesterday I had some time to journal and stew and ask the Lord what He wanted to say to me further about SEEDS.  I listened to Luke 8 again.  Luke 8:15 stood out, "As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience."

I continued to listen to Luke 8 and read about the woman with the bleeding issues and about her healing.  This story has stuck out to me for years during my infertility years.  The song by Nicole C Mullins, "One Touch" is one I would sing and cry out to the Lord for His healing touch. Verse 47-48 says, "When the woman saw that she had not escaped notice, she came trembling and fell down before Him, and declared in the presence of all the people the reason why she had touched Him, and how she had been immediately healed.  And He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.'" Shortly after this we read of a daughter who is not well and in verse 50 He says, "Do not be afraid any longer, only believe, and she will be made well."  So I once again prayed asking the Lord for full healing and restoration of my body.

One year ago today I was in a taxi, heading to the other side of the mega city we lived in to head to a 3 day training on Life Coaching with two of my friends.  I was in pain, dealing with both constipation and the runs and horrible pain.  The next day I spent my first of 4 ER trips in the hospital trying to figure out the cause of the pain and not being satisfied with that doctor's diagnosis of gastritis.  I was telling my son about it being a year and last night he asked if we should have a party today.  I said, "Nope not tomorrow but in January when it will be 1 yr since I was diagnosed with cancer, then I would like a party as I celebrate my one year survivor anniversary."  He quietly said, "Mommy, not just one year, let's celebrate 10!"  So here's to hope and faith that I will get to celebrate many more anniversaries for years to come.

Anyways, back to seeds.  So as I was processing all of this and praying I saw a little packet of seeds in the back of my mind and felt that I should pull out a packet of seeds to remind myself of the spiritual seeds we planted in lives overseas and to pray that they would be watered and would grow and bear fruit.  Many of our loved one over there have yet to confess to a faith and belief in Jesus and that is my desire for them.  1 Corinthians 3:6, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow."

I was reminded that I had a little bag I was given back in December from a conference I was at and inside was a pack of seeds.

What caught my eye was the name of the seeds, "FORGET-ME-NOT."  My son had asked me the night before what I wanted to do with my life.  Sure I could try to do some sort of home business but what I really desired was to become a LIFE COACH and a Spiritual Director but that required time and money and energy which I did not have at this time to really invest in the training I needed.  Seeing these seeds was as if the Lord reminded me that in this current season, current state of health I am in, there is something I can do and that is to PRAY.  We have seeds that we planted while we were overseas and He was inviting us to continue to pray that they could be watered and would sprout and grown and accept the Lord as their Savior.  So now these seeds are in my dining area to remind me of just that.

We put up our tree on December 1st.  Each year that I put up the ornaments to remind me of my babies that I lost I get to be reminded of those three experiences, and how the Father has carried me through. I placed my Appendix Cancer ornament next to them and this little cross my friend gave me this year.  I continue to lean on Jesus, trusting Him and His plan for me.  And looking to Him for new strength in this season.

We took our kids to watch THE STAR this past weekend.  The line that stood out to me in the movie was this: "Just because God has a plan doesn't mean it's going to be easy, and that scares me."  Yep God's plan for my life has not been an easy one and at times it's felt scary not knowing the why or not knowing how I'd get through the grief or the suffering.  Yet He is faithful.  He is my healer and my redeemer and He continues to use my story and continues to write it!  He isn't finished with me yet!