Missing T

Today I got to watch my niece make a public declaration of her love for Jesus and watch her get baptized.  I had tears in my eyes.  I was so proud of her.  I am so thankful for the godly role model that she is to my kiddos.  And I am so excited that she's on a journey of learning to hear God's voice.  And I am so thankful that this morning happened to be a "good" morning for me health wise which meant I was able to fully engage with others and the Lord during the service which I have been needing lately.

During the service my little girl said, "In T we were able to gather all around those who got baptized but here we can't?" The baptismal tub was on stage here so it was different.  This made me miss our church experience in T.  I miss the worship, the dancing, the passion, the prayer times.  I miss the exuberant worship times.  Though I struggled due to the language barrier I loved being able to watch the people gather around each other at the end of a service and prophetically pray over each other. Some times it feels like it was years ago that we lived there.  But just today, my mom sent me a note saying "it was hard to believe just a yr ago today they left T after coming to visit us and help us pack up for our move back to Canada.  Wow, what a yr.  I am so thankful my family was able to come out there and see what our life was like there, meet our community and help me with the kids and packing up as I was just released from the hospital the day they arrived for their visit there.  I miss our friends, community and life there.  I know that with my health situation there is no way I could be living there right now but it feels like it would take a miracle to even get back there for a visit to be able to say a proper good-bye for closure.

Now it feels weird to think about the possibility of being in the hospital again.  I finally have a Dr. appointment for May 15th to see the GI specialist at the Manitoba Home Nutrition program.  We will be discussing the pros and cons of TPN and I guess when and if I will start on it.  If so I could very well end up in the hospital for a few days, have to get a pic line put in, and have my blood work monitored to make sure everything is working.  I know I will need prayer as the whole having to stay in a hospital will bring up some feelings from a yr ago that I don't want to have to revisit.  I will need to soak in the Word of God and listen to Worship music to keep my spirits up especially during that time.  I had a sweet hospital room all to myself in T.  Here, I will most likely have to have a roommate which I am not looking forward to either (but I will pray that the Father will use me if that is the case to be a blessing to my roommate).  I guess I was spoiled when it came to hospital experiences in T.  The nurses were at my becking call there and always willing and ready to help.  Except when I was begging for more meds and they'd tell me I'd have to still wait an hr or more yet to get my next dose. I know if I have to stay a few days in the hospital that will be hard on my kids and I am praying that childcare will get worked out for that time too.   My son has his spring concert on the 16th and I was supposed to do a spiritual retreat with some friends on the 18th so I am hoping if I am supposed to be in the hospital that it will wait till after the 18th. 

And perhaps the Dr will tell me I am fine at 82.4 lbs and don't need TPN. Who knows!  In the mean time I will keep trucking along.  Spring has sprung which means I need to figure out how to garden again (it's been over 10 yrs since I planted my own garden).  I found out my little girl's babysitter is really busy working a different job this month so she won't be available. This just means I will need even more energy to be a good mom, take care of my house and my yard and not get a many naps in as I would like. 

This morning I got up early to spend time with Jesus.  The words, "RESPOND DON'T REACT" came to mind.  Oh how I need the Lord's help to respond and not react when it comes to parenting and dealing with situations that arise in our home.   I believe we (especially the kids and I) are still adjusting to life here in Canada which means some days there are emotions that are high (or low) in our home. I have been working at growing my own little home business but this takes up time and energy.  I need to make sure I don't neglect my relationship with Jesus and my little family either.  BALANCE...it's all about balance. The verse I have on my black board that I am trying to focus on right now is James 1:19NLT: "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to LISTEN, slow to SPEAK, and slow to get angry."  I am not perfect.  In fact I am so very weak physically and emotionally these days but it's in my weakness that He gives me His strength.  I am so thankful for those people who have either dropped by this week or stopped me at church or sent a message to tell me that they are still praying for me.