Some people have commented that they have had issues leaving comments on the blog. I am not sure why. Please let me know if you'd have trouble and I will try to figure it out.
I get to share my testimony tomorrow at Morning Our For Mom's. I am excited and nervous at the same time and I would appreciate your prayers. Thanks.
Monday, 29 January 2018
Friday, 26 January 2018
La La Land
A dear friend offered to take my little girl for the morning so I could have some time to reflect and journal about this past yr. What a gift! Sorry for those of you who are sick of hearing about this but dates have always been a significant thing for me. Perhaps it's because I was born two days before Christmas and my parents always did a good job of separating the two, making sure we celebrated both my birthday and Christmas. So today, Jan, 26 2018, is like my 1 year birthday celebrating 1 yr since I was diagnosed with Goblet Cell Adenocarcinoma of the appendix. At times this last yr I was so ill, so underweight and so without fight and strength to keep on that my husband really wondered if I'd be alive or if he'd have to figure out how to transport a body home. But I am alive and personally I think it's worth celebrating!
One yr ago, we went to the hospital to get my bandages removed from the appendix surgery I had the week prior. We had purchased tickets to go watch LA LA LAND after my appointment because it had been awhile since we had a date. At the hospital neither of us were prepared to hear the words: (granted the Dr spoke in another language so it took a bit to process what he was saying too) "It's not good, there was a tumor!" "Appendix Cancer." "We need to do another surgery." This was the first time in my life I had even heard that appendix cancer was such a thing. We were dumb founded. Finally we had an answer for all of my pain but it was a hard answer to try to accept. But we had our tickets and decided to go watch the movie and then make calls to family and friends after to let them know the news. We sat next to each other, hand in hand, watching the movie, while our minds swirled around. All I could think of was my kids. How was this going to affect them? How do I tell them? What is the way forward? I just prayed and asked the Lord for wisdom.
On the drive home after the movie I started to what's app my friends. The tears began to flow and I couldn't hold them in. Before all of this we felt like we were living and serving and using our gifts...we were in our sweet spot in life. But now our lives were about to change.
Soon after my diagnosis my husband bought me these gloves. Before we moved back to Canada some of our sweet friends wrote notes on it. These gloves were my visual reminder to fight.
This morning I woke up to this song in my head. So much truth! Through the storms of this past yr I have had the front row seat to really see His love for me, provision for me and my family, healing, how He's been my anchor in the storm and how I need to daily rest on HIS promises and truths even when all around me the storm ranges on or it feels dark around me.
I messaged my surgeon this morning. The one who performed my last 2 out of my four surgeries last year. He was surprised to hear from me. I wanted to thank him for performing the surgery and being as aggressive as he was at removing the cancer and organs. I believe that helped to save my life even if that means I am still suffering the consequences from those surgeries.
Today I am thankful for the many many friends, family and other people who have walked with us, encouraged us, supported us, took care of us, helped out, loved on us, and prayed for us. How do people walk through such things without having a FAITH and HOPE in Jesus and a community around them? I am not sure. But I do know that for me I couldn't have walked through this past year without HIM and without the assurance of my relationship and salvation with HIM. In my weakness He became my strength. He has been and will continue to be Lord of all no matter what happens.
Tonight we are having a little party to celebrate. My kids have been talking more about death or their fears or starting to verbally process more of what all happened this last yr. Today I reminded my son what day it was and he gave me a big hug. My daughter put on some nice dress clothes...ready to celebrate and we danced around to this song above. Today we celebrate LIFE and all that means for me and my family. And after the kids are in bed my husband and I will watch LA LA LAND! He has so faithfully walked with me through the highs and lows of this last yr. Put up with me when I was dealing with all the emotions and issues that come from being forced into menopause and with all the recovery I have had to have post surgeries. He's loved me through it all. I have much to be thankful for!
One yr ago, we went to the hospital to get my bandages removed from the appendix surgery I had the week prior. We had purchased tickets to go watch LA LA LAND after my appointment because it had been awhile since we had a date. At the hospital neither of us were prepared to hear the words: (granted the Dr spoke in another language so it took a bit to process what he was saying too) "It's not good, there was a tumor!" "Appendix Cancer." "We need to do another surgery." This was the first time in my life I had even heard that appendix cancer was such a thing. We were dumb founded. Finally we had an answer for all of my pain but it was a hard answer to try to accept. But we had our tickets and decided to go watch the movie and then make calls to family and friends after to let them know the news. We sat next to each other, hand in hand, watching the movie, while our minds swirled around. All I could think of was my kids. How was this going to affect them? How do I tell them? What is the way forward? I just prayed and asked the Lord for wisdom.
On the drive home after the movie I started to what's app my friends. The tears began to flow and I couldn't hold them in. Before all of this we felt like we were living and serving and using our gifts...we were in our sweet spot in life. But now our lives were about to change.
I messaged my surgeon this morning. The one who performed my last 2 out of my four surgeries last year. He was surprised to hear from me. I wanted to thank him for performing the surgery and being as aggressive as he was at removing the cancer and organs. I believe that helped to save my life even if that means I am still suffering the consequences from those surgeries.
Wednesday, 17 January 2018
My Babies (significance of January) and 1 yr celebration!
Tomorrow, January 18, marks 8 years since our first miscarriage. Since it took us 8 months of trying to get pregnant with our son we thought we'd start before he'd even turned a yr old for another baby. Little did we know that it would take 2 more years before we saw a positive pregnancy test. We felt we were to trust God in the process. However we also began to see a fertility specialist trying to figure out what was wrong. After a few failed IUI's we saw a nurse at a fertility clinic to discuss IVF. We both didn't feel comfortable going down that route but we wanted to at least have a chance to go to the fertility clinic and learn more and ask questions. That was December of 2009. This nurse tried to push us hard to start IVF. She even went so far as to tell us that we'd never get pregnant on our own without doing IVF. We asked for a month to go home and pray about this big decision. And God had other plans. We had set up a second opinion meeting at a different fertility clinic. But the day before we were supposed to go to that meeting I took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. We were so excited. It was as if God was telling us we can get pregnant with HIS help not the help of IVF. We called family and some close friends. It had been a 2 yr wait so we really thought this was the baby we'd get to keep. We told our son and he gave the baby in my womb the nickname, "Baby Raspberry." We were all excited and I truly believe this one was a little girl. In fact after we had called my sister-in-law to tell her about our pregnancy she said she had seen a sticker that night that said "It's a girl." When I went to the Dr. to confirm my pregnancy the nurse came out and asked if I was really sure I had a positive test. Then the next thing I knew I was having an ultra sound a few days later. No baby was seen but I thought it was just because it was so early on in the pregnancy. But on January 18th I started to spot and when I went to the Dr. he informed me that I had a chemical pregnancy. I was heart broken. I never imagined dealing with secondary infertility and then a miscarriage. We found a picture on the internet of a raspberry (for those of you who don't know one of my favorite foods is raspberries) in order to remember our little one by. I did not notice until awhile later that there is actually another little start of a raspberry growing in that picture. It was as if it was a sign of HOPE from the Father. And over the next few years I would hold on to all the little signs of HOPE that I saw or heard.
My baby was due September 21st 2010. Her due date was super hard for me. I clearly remember having a bath, listening to worship music and crying out the Father begging for a glimpse of my baby since she died so young I didn't have a grave site to go visit. And the Father answered. I can't explain it but I really felt like I was holding my baby girl. It was a special moment where I encountered the Lord in such an intimate way and in the Spirit He gave me a picture of me being able to bury my daughter. I also had a picture of her in Heaven with brown hair and cute pigtails.
May 2011 I was training to run a 10 k run for the RUN FOR WATER. I decided to do a pregnancy test just to make sure since I was a little late with my period. Sure enough the test said pregnant. I was a little scared but I guess I truly believed this would be the one we'd get to keep. I decided to pull out of the race just to make sure. Only 8 days later I started to spot again and that fear and dread took over and I knew in my heart we were losing this baby. I clearly remember laying in the u/s room's bed and I saw a picture of Jesus standing next to me holding a baby in a blue blanket. At that moment I knew it was a boy and I knew my baby was safe in HIS arms. My son nicknamed that one Baby Flower. To this day I love seeing purple tulips.
Canada Day weekend 2012 was a hard weekend. We had just made a move from BC back to MB for the summer knowing in a few months our family of 3 would be moving overseas. On the drive home we took a few days to stop along the way. The night before we arrived in MB I was feeling like I was either pregnant or going to have my period. My hubby ran out to a grocery store and I took the test in the hotel room. I was shocked to learn that I was pregnant. If I back up a bit I will explain that after my first miscarriage someone told me they really felt that when my son was 5 I would get pregnant again. I wept when she told me that. I didn't want to wait that long. And I wasn't sure if I should believe that she heard from the Lord or not. In my training on hearing God's voice and on the prophetic I've been told to never give out MATES, DATES, or BABIES to people unless we really clearly felt that was from the Father. Well this pregnancy happened when my son was 5. So some how I believed this was the one we'd finally get to keep. We got to Trev's parents in MB and I began to go through my maternity clothes I had in storage. A friend of mine had given me some of her maternity clothes to hold on to as an act of HOPE. It was feeling real and I was starting to get excited. And yet when I was praying about this pregnancy I saw a picture of a blue butterfly being released into the sky out of hands and I heard a still small thought, "This one will not make it but the next one you will get to keep." A couple of days later we headed up to see my family for the Canada long weekend. Within hours of getting there I told my mom we were expecting and within about 2 hrs after that I began to spot. Oh I was devastated. All I wanted to do was crawl in bed and lay down flat in hopes of stopping the bleeding and being able to keep the baby. The next day I lost so much blood and there was so much pain I had to go see a doctor. Because it was the long weekend and my parents live in a small town I had to go to a town 2 hrs away to see a Dr. He suspected I was miscarrying but told me to come back after the long weekend for an ultrasound. I was filled with anger when I realized that we had lost this baby. I did not understand why I needed to lose three babies and the hope of every having another child seem to fade.
Keep in mind we were supposed to be preparing to head overseas. I knew I had three miscarriages so this meant I could have genetic testing done but I didn't have a GP and I didn't have a lot of time to get in to someone who could order the testing I needed. The Lord moved mountains and lead me to the right people, who had the right connections, to get me into special doctors who gave us the genetic testing. We found an amazing Christian GP in the process since ours had moved away during the time we were living in BC. The tests came back with a stamp on it saying "NORMAL FEMALE and NORMAL MALE." There was nothing physically wrong according to these tests as to why we were losing these babies. So that October we packed up our stuff and moved our family overseas.
We settled into our home and began to start our new life adjusting to a new culture. That December, during a local church service, I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to go up and ask for prayer for a baby. Over the years many church leaders, godly people and many others prayed for us so I wasn't sure how this would be any different. That was the beginning of December 2013. In January I clearly remember my husband and I preparing to do a 10 juice fast. 2 days before we were gonna start I had a dream. We were walking along the water in our new country. My son's arms were around me and my husband had a little girl on his shoulders. My son was about the age of 7 and the girl was about 18 months in the dream. She reached out for me and called me "Mom". I was shocked and didn't know what to make of the dream. Then 2 days later (January 19, 2014) my husband told me I should take a pregnancy test before I do a juice fast just to make sure. I laughed and didn't want to. I took the test and at first nothing showed up. I told him it was negative but the Holy Spirit told him that wasn't true. He asked me to look at the test again. Sure enough it said I was pregnant. I wept. I was overcome with fear. I did not want to lose this baby and go through a miscarriage in a foreign country. It wasn't too long after when the Lord began to show me something special. My son was still 5 yrs old, though he was gonna be 6 and a half when the baby would be born. That January marked 5 yrs of trying for another baby. It was our 5th pregnancy. I felt the number 5 had some significance so I researched and discovered that 5 meant GRACE. "Grace" it was my middle name. Grace meant "gift from God" and that is exactly what this baby was. So thus began my quest to figure out what Grace meant in the new language we were now immersing ourselves in. Deep in my heart I believed this little one was a girl. Over those 5 yrs the Lord would speak quietly but for my knowing that I was to hold on to hope that one day we'd have a little girl added to our family.
So as you can see the month of January has held some significant events in my life...many painful and some wonderful. On January 19, 2016 I had an emergency appendectomy. Though I was told that my appendix looked abnormal I never once thought it was cancer. January 26th, I got the pathology reports and was shocked and devastated to learn that I had a rare and aggressive form of appendix cancer called Goblet Cell adenocarcinoma. So today is the 17th. This means that in a few days I will be celebrating 1 yr since that horrible cancer diagnosis. What a year it's been! I am so so thankful and humble for all the prayers that have been sent up on our behalf and for all of the HELP we've had in this last yr. I just came back yesterday from a doctor check-up. My cancer tumor marker blood tests showed up in the normal range. Though i am aware this cancer usually does not show up on scans and blood tests I need to choose HOPE over fear of the unknown. It's time to celebrate LIFE and here's to hoping for many more years to celebrate being an
APPENDIX CANCER SURVIVOR!
Friday, 5 January 2018
One more thought on JOY
This is a continuation from my last post. I knew the Lord was stirring in my heart to reflect on JOY but then just two days ago I got out of my bed and noticed a picture I have on my wall. My friend sent this to me after she had heard about a dream I had had.
Fast forward a year and a half later. 2 days ago my niece was here and we had tea. We were talking about hearing the voice of God and I went to show her this picture. She pointed out the shadow of the person in this picture (to be honest I have never noticed this shadow before) and said the arms kinda looked like wings! Very cool. So this year I will cling to this verse. I will focus on the SUN of righteousness. I will choose to not fear (with the Lord's help) this cancer returning. To not fear death. To instead rest in HIS presence and peace. And I will keep asking for healing for my body, mind, soul, and spirit and that I will be able to leap with JOY!!!
Back in summer of 2016 I had a very vivid dream. I was having to go through a dark and evil forest (kinda like death) (I can't remember the name of the forest but it was evil) in order to get to my friends' cabin. She was very ill and I wanted to go help her. However I was scared to go through the forest. I ended seeing a light through the forest and Jesus told me to keep my eyes on the light. He told me there is a lot of evil and darkness in the world and on the news but I needed to keep my eyes on HIM and focus on the light. I made it through the forest. Then at my friends' cabin there was puke in the sink, she was ill and so sick that she was in her chair almost passed out from being so sick. She was unresponsive so I got on my knees beside her and wrote a note with a verse on it and left it by her side.
Malachi 4:2 "But for you who fear my name, the Sun of righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with JOY like calves let out to pasture."
At the time I didn't realize what the dream meant. I thought it was for my friend since she was in it. The dream didn't resonate with her. However just a couple days later our main airport in the city we were living in was brutally attacked by terrorists. I was reminded to focus on Jesus and not the fear that crept in at the time.
Fast forward a year and a half later. 2 days ago my niece was here and we had tea. We were talking about hearing the voice of God and I went to show her this picture. She pointed out the shadow of the person in this picture (to be honest I have never noticed this shadow before) and said the arms kinda looked like wings! Very cool. So this year I will cling to this verse. I will focus on the SUN of righteousness. I will choose to not fear (with the Lord's help) this cancer returning. To not fear death. To instead rest in HIS presence and peace. And I will keep asking for healing for my body, mind, soul, and spirit and that I will be able to leap with JOY!!!
Monday, 1 January 2018
2017 Reflection
"Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the is the man who takes refuge in Him." Ps 34:8 was my word at the start of the year. Little did I know how much this would speak to me throughout all I endured. This coming yr I want to focus even more on the last part of the verse. I want to be more intentional to take time out to be with Jesus. I want to not just make it through this year surviving but I want to THRIVE. This past yr I had little strength and energy to read, to study, or to accomplish much more than what was necessary. How I long to have energy and rest so I can function much better for myself and my family.
So what is my word for 2018? Well I have been reflecting on my life verse, Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb, before were born I set you apart; I appointed you to be a prophet to the nations." The number of times I "should have died" helps me see that the Lord has formed me and set me apart. He's not done with me here on earth yet! But this year I long to grow more in the prophetic. I long to understand it more and what it means for my life and ministry.
Isaiah 43:19 "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." This verse stood out to us back in 2009. Then this year it came up again. We don't understand why we had to leave the country and the people we love so dearly. Some days it feels like we were never there. Other days the tears flow and we miss it very much. But for some reason this twist in the road, and coming back to Canada, it's all part of HIS plan for each of us as a family and individually. I long to look and wait with expectation to see what the Lord has in store for us in this next season.
Rick Warren said, "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation."
“We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got — that's what we're depending on.” (Psalm 33:20-22 MSG)
Psalm 34:5 "Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with JOY."
Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with JOY."
Thank you to all of you who walked alongside me and my family. We could not have made it through this year with out your love, prayers, support and without our faith in Jesus!
Thursday, 21 December 2017
Gifts
This weekend we will be celebrating Christmas while giving and exchanging gifts. This will be fun but as I think about this past year it is more clear to me than ever that I don't need any gifts. The only things I'd really want is a baseball glove so I can play catch with my kids in the summer, and money towards some of the chemical free products, or sugar free products, that I have been buying or adding to my wish list as I make ditch and switches in my home in an attempt to live and eat healthier. Really though I don't need anything. I have the best gifts right here with me. My little family.
Anyways, as I think back to this past year I want to write down some of the gifts we received so that I don't forget and so that I can remember the goodness of the Lord when we were in such a dark valley.
In no particular order:
My husband has been faithful since we started dating but in this last yr he has really become my rock. He's held our family together, took on the role of caregiver to me and mommy/daddy to my kids when I was stuck in and out of the hospital from January 19 to the middle of April. He was a constant support and I remember clearly laying next to him in my hospital bed, watching movies, or having him read emails to me and him replying (I was too tired or nauseated at times to read and write). After my 4th surgery I couldn't move for 12 hrs so he was faithfully by my side to help bed pan me when I needed to use the washroom. When I was unable to get in an out of bed for weeks due to all the tubes I had coming out of me and to all the pain I was dealing with he was there to help me every step of the way. What a incredible servant-hearted gift he is.
My kids are a gift. They are what motivated me to fight. I knew that even though I was ready to go be with Jesus my husband and my kids were not ready to see me go yet. So I fought hard and begged doctors almost every day to let me go home. I just wanted to be with my kids as I saw how hard it was on them for me to be in the hospital and away from them.
How quickly my surgeries happened and the fact that the main surgeon was able to feel around in surgery and discover the microscopic tumors and remove them is amazing. It's a blessing.
I had many friends overseas who took me to the ER or watched my kids so my husband could take me (that was off and on over December 2016 and January 2017) and then who took turns watching the kids or visiting me while I was in the hospital this spring. Having friends walk with me though the valley of the shadow of death...it's indescribable how much that meant and how it deepened those friendships.
We had meals provided a few times a week. This helped take off some of the stress which was amazing.
Friends came to paint my toe nails, braid my hair, entertain me, pray with me, visit, sleep in the hospital room with me, sneak food into my room, make me homemade chicken bone broth to help me get my protein, Friends from afar sent cards and money to help get a cleaning lady, for meals, and to help us with the expenses of packing up our home and having to move back to Canada. We felt loved and cared for.
The doctor who delivered my daughter became a gift all over again as she lead us to the surgeon who performed my massive surgery. She would take time out of her work (and at one point skipped out on the last part of a date with her husband to come see me in my hospital room) to check in on me. She also is the one who convinced me to push the surgeon a bit to get my bladder tear fixed in surgery rather than continuing to wait for it to heal on it's own.
My favorite neighbor made me fresh yogurt and potatoe borek every week once she knew I was ill and it was something I could eat.
Having had local insurance was a gift as it helped us not have to worry about all the medical costs that incurred having had 4 surgeries this year.
Having family and friends come out from BC and MB to come take turns watching the kids, visiting me in the hospital and even helping to pack up our home and bring back some of our bags...a huge gift and blessing to us! I was thankful some of our family were able to see where we lived and how we lived so that when we now talk about our time overseas they will have a greater understanding.
The Lord provided this house we now live in, He brought people alongside us to help clean our house, windows, paint the house and fill it with groceries and bless us with co-op gift cards or money to help us settle in. We were humbled.
The Lord opened the door for my husband to have a job when we moved that is only a 3 minute walk from our home. So amazing! And it's a job he loves which is an added blessing.
I have been given the gift of an amazing medical team here in MB as they all try to work together to help me gain the weight needed. I am still 83 lbs and the dietitian (who is a believer by the way...another gift) will call me every now and then to check in on me. She wants me to get to at least 100 lbs. The oncologist, pain doctor, urologist, family doctor, surgeon, dietitian, etc all are on my side and want to help me figure out how to get better. I am blessed.
We were given a car to use this summer.
Someone paid for me to fly business class on the way home and Trev's aunt came to help fly with the kids so that I could get rest and be more comfortable on the long flight home.
People here have loved on us with meals, rides to appointments, prayers, help with kids etc.
It's been a gift to be closer to family on both sides and we are thankful we get to celebrate the holidays with both of our families.
We found an amazing babysitter (she and her family love well on my daughter) who helps out a couple times a week so I can get rest and also get to doctor appointments.
A friend of mine has been so gracious and willing to help often on preschool days to take my daughter to school along with her daughter. She and another friend of mine have been so good at helping to watch my kids when I have appointments.
I am thankful for the ability to rekindle old friendships here in town and in Canada as well as new relationships we are getting to build. Thankful for the gift of what's app so I can stay in touch with my friends back overseas too.
On Saturday I turn another year older! I feel humbled and thankful that I get to be alive when in all honesty I really didn't think I'd get to this point earlier in the year. I am grateful and hope that I will have many more years yet as I long to grow old with my husband and to see my kids grown up and get married and have kids of their own.
Thank You Jesus for life, for loving me and walking with me and never leaving my side!
Anyways, as I think back to this past year I want to write down some of the gifts we received so that I don't forget and so that I can remember the goodness of the Lord when we were in such a dark valley.
In no particular order:
My husband has been faithful since we started dating but in this last yr he has really become my rock. He's held our family together, took on the role of caregiver to me and mommy/daddy to my kids when I was stuck in and out of the hospital from January 19 to the middle of April. He was a constant support and I remember clearly laying next to him in my hospital bed, watching movies, or having him read emails to me and him replying (I was too tired or nauseated at times to read and write). After my 4th surgery I couldn't move for 12 hrs so he was faithfully by my side to help bed pan me when I needed to use the washroom. When I was unable to get in an out of bed for weeks due to all the tubes I had coming out of me and to all the pain I was dealing with he was there to help me every step of the way. What a incredible servant-hearted gift he is.
My kids are a gift. They are what motivated me to fight. I knew that even though I was ready to go be with Jesus my husband and my kids were not ready to see me go yet. So I fought hard and begged doctors almost every day to let me go home. I just wanted to be with my kids as I saw how hard it was on them for me to be in the hospital and away from them.
How quickly my surgeries happened and the fact that the main surgeon was able to feel around in surgery and discover the microscopic tumors and remove them is amazing. It's a blessing.
I had many friends overseas who took me to the ER or watched my kids so my husband could take me (that was off and on over December 2016 and January 2017) and then who took turns watching the kids or visiting me while I was in the hospital this spring. Having friends walk with me though the valley of the shadow of death...it's indescribable how much that meant and how it deepened those friendships.
We had meals provided a few times a week. This helped take off some of the stress which was amazing.
Friends came to paint my toe nails, braid my hair, entertain me, pray with me, visit, sleep in the hospital room with me, sneak food into my room, make me homemade chicken bone broth to help me get my protein, Friends from afar sent cards and money to help get a cleaning lady, for meals, and to help us with the expenses of packing up our home and having to move back to Canada. We felt loved and cared for.
The doctor who delivered my daughter became a gift all over again as she lead us to the surgeon who performed my massive surgery. She would take time out of her work (and at one point skipped out on the last part of a date with her husband to come see me in my hospital room) to check in on me. She also is the one who convinced me to push the surgeon a bit to get my bladder tear fixed in surgery rather than continuing to wait for it to heal on it's own.
My favorite neighbor made me fresh yogurt and potatoe borek every week once she knew I was ill and it was something I could eat.
Having had local insurance was a gift as it helped us not have to worry about all the medical costs that incurred having had 4 surgeries this year.
Having family and friends come out from BC and MB to come take turns watching the kids, visiting me in the hospital and even helping to pack up our home and bring back some of our bags...a huge gift and blessing to us! I was thankful some of our family were able to see where we lived and how we lived so that when we now talk about our time overseas they will have a greater understanding.
The Lord provided this house we now live in, He brought people alongside us to help clean our house, windows, paint the house and fill it with groceries and bless us with co-op gift cards or money to help us settle in. We were humbled.
The Lord opened the door for my husband to have a job when we moved that is only a 3 minute walk from our home. So amazing! And it's a job he loves which is an added blessing.
I have been given the gift of an amazing medical team here in MB as they all try to work together to help me gain the weight needed. I am still 83 lbs and the dietitian (who is a believer by the way...another gift) will call me every now and then to check in on me. She wants me to get to at least 100 lbs. The oncologist, pain doctor, urologist, family doctor, surgeon, dietitian, etc all are on my side and want to help me figure out how to get better. I am blessed.
We were given a car to use this summer.
Someone paid for me to fly business class on the way home and Trev's aunt came to help fly with the kids so that I could get rest and be more comfortable on the long flight home.
People here have loved on us with meals, rides to appointments, prayers, help with kids etc.
It's been a gift to be closer to family on both sides and we are thankful we get to celebrate the holidays with both of our families.
We found an amazing babysitter (she and her family love well on my daughter) who helps out a couple times a week so I can get rest and also get to doctor appointments.
A friend of mine has been so gracious and willing to help often on preschool days to take my daughter to school along with her daughter. She and another friend of mine have been so good at helping to watch my kids when I have appointments.
I am thankful for the ability to rekindle old friendships here in town and in Canada as well as new relationships we are getting to build. Thankful for the gift of what's app so I can stay in touch with my friends back overseas too.
On Saturday I turn another year older! I feel humbled and thankful that I get to be alive when in all honesty I really didn't think I'd get to this point earlier in the year. I am grateful and hope that I will have many more years yet as I long to grow old with my husband and to see my kids grown up and get married and have kids of their own.
Thank You Jesus for life, for loving me and walking with me and never leaving my side!
Thursday, 7 December 2017
Seeds and other reflections
There was a moment last week where I was driving and I was reminded of a time in my life where Jesus kept speaking about Pearls to me. (I can save that story for another time). I said a little prayer, asking Jesus to speak once again to me in that way.
Friday night the house was quiet, everyone was asleep but me. Being wide awake I decided to sit in the living room, doing some of my physio while watching a little video about home based businesses. I am trying to figure out what to do with myself. Making some extra cash to help my family out would be a blessing. I am desiring to go chemical and toxin free in my home but that means having to have money to get rid of some stuff and replace it with stuff that is safer for me and my family yet may seem more expensive at the start. (If you are interested to learn more about what I am doing in this area feel free to send me an email and I'd love to share more). Anyways, I was watching this video and what stood out to me was how this lady was talking about seeds. She said something to the effect that each time you talk to someone about a product, etc, it's like planting seeds in the person's life. I won't go into what all she said but what stood out was the words SEEDS and I thought about how sharing the Gospel is also like planting seeds.
The next morning I woke up to an email from a friend who is living in the city we just moved back from 6 months ago. The little fellowship that we helped to start is growing and it's exciting and it had it's official opening this past weekend. She wrote this, "Today is the official opening. I am excited to celebrate the seeds you and your husband (and others) planted! Nothing of what you guys did here is in vain. God sees the big picture and he is the one who gives life to the seeds we plant. God is building his Ch..ch.
She sent me some pictures and a little video of 150 people singing one of my favorite local songs. Later in the day our local friend sent an email thanking my husband for the seeds that he helped to plant and sent even more pictures of the opening. Then my husband got a message from one of our friends who was there at the opening and he mentioned that he was sitting in the back of the fellowship, watching what was all happening and had tears in his eyes. Wishing we were there to witness it and thankful for the seeds that we got to plant there.
That evening as a family we put on our Bible app and listened to the next chapter we were to read in Luke. It happened to be Luke 8 with the parable of the seed and sower. And my son pointed out that the Adventures in Odyssey that we listened to earlier in the day was also about seeds. So our ears perked up and we began to thank the Lord for speaking but also asked Him to further explain what was on His heart.
Yesterday I had some time to journal and stew and ask the Lord what He wanted to say to me further about SEEDS. I listened to Luke 8 again. Luke 8:15 stood out, "As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience."
I continued to listen to Luke 8 and read about the woman with the bleeding issues and about her healing. This story has stuck out to me for years during my infertility years. The song by Nicole C Mullins, "One Touch" is one I would sing and cry out to the Lord for His healing touch. Verse 47-48 says, "When the woman saw that she had not escaped notice, she came trembling and fell down before Him, and declared in the presence of all the people the reason why she had touched Him, and how she had been immediately healed. And He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.'" Shortly after this we read of a daughter who is not well and in verse 50 He says, "Do not be afraid any longer, only believe, and she will be made well." So I once again prayed asking the Lord for full healing and restoration of my body.
One year ago today I was in a taxi, heading to the other side of the mega city we lived in to head to a 3 day training on Life Coaching with two of my friends. I was in pain, dealing with both constipation and the runs and horrible pain. The next day I spent my first of 4 ER trips in the hospital trying to figure out the cause of the pain and not being satisfied with that doctor's diagnosis of gastritis. I was telling my son about it being a year and last night he asked if we should have a party today. I said, "Nope not tomorrow but in January when it will be 1 yr since I was diagnosed with cancer, then I would like a party as I celebrate my one year survivor anniversary." He quietly said, "Mommy, not just one year, let's celebrate 10!" So here's to hope and faith that I will get to celebrate many more anniversaries for years to come.
Anyways, back to seeds. So as I was processing all of this and praying I saw a little packet of seeds in the back of my mind and felt that I should pull out a packet of seeds to remind myself of the spiritual seeds we planted in lives overseas and to pray that they would be watered and would grow and bear fruit. Many of our loved one over there have yet to confess to a faith and belief in Jesus and that is my desire for them. 1 Corinthians 3:6, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow."
I was reminded that I had a little bag I was given back in December from a conference I was at and inside was a pack of seeds.
One year ago today I was in a taxi, heading to the other side of the mega city we lived in to head to a 3 day training on Life Coaching with two of my friends. I was in pain, dealing with both constipation and the runs and horrible pain. The next day I spent my first of 4 ER trips in the hospital trying to figure out the cause of the pain and not being satisfied with that doctor's diagnosis of gastritis. I was telling my son about it being a year and last night he asked if we should have a party today. I said, "Nope not tomorrow but in January when it will be 1 yr since I was diagnosed with cancer, then I would like a party as I celebrate my one year survivor anniversary." He quietly said, "Mommy, not just one year, let's celebrate 10!" So here's to hope and faith that I will get to celebrate many more anniversaries for years to come.
Anyways, back to seeds. So as I was processing all of this and praying I saw a little packet of seeds in the back of my mind and felt that I should pull out a packet of seeds to remind myself of the spiritual seeds we planted in lives overseas and to pray that they would be watered and would grow and bear fruit. Many of our loved one over there have yet to confess to a faith and belief in Jesus and that is my desire for them. 1 Corinthians 3:6, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow."
I was reminded that I had a little bag I was given back in December from a conference I was at and inside was a pack of seeds.
What caught my eye was the name of the seeds, "FORGET-ME-NOT." My son had asked me the night before what I wanted to do with my life. Sure I could try to do some sort of home business but what I really desired was to become a LIFE COACH and a Spiritual Director but that required time and money and energy which I did not have at this time to really invest in the training I needed. Seeing these seeds was as if the Lord reminded me that in this current season, current state of health I am in, there is something I can do and that is to PRAY. We have seeds that we planted while we were overseas and He was inviting us to continue to pray that they could be watered and would sprout and grown and accept the Lord as their Savior. So now these seeds are in my dining area to remind me of just that.
We put up our tree on December 1st. Each year that I put up the ornaments to remind me of my babies that I lost I get to be reminded of those three experiences, and how the Father has carried me through. I placed my Appendix Cancer ornament next to them and this little cross my friend gave me this year. I continue to lean on Jesus, trusting Him and His plan for me. And looking to Him for new strength in this season.
We took our kids to watch THE STAR this past weekend. The line that stood out to me in the movie was this: "Just because God has a plan doesn't mean it's going to be easy, and that scares me." Yep God's plan for my life has not been an easy one and at times it's felt scary not knowing the why or not knowing how I'd get through the grief or the suffering. Yet He is faithful. He is my healer and my redeemer and He continues to use my story and continues to write it! He isn't finished with me yet!
We put up our tree on December 1st. Each year that I put up the ornaments to remind me of my babies that I lost I get to be reminded of those three experiences, and how the Father has carried me through. I placed my Appendix Cancer ornament next to them and this little cross my friend gave me this year. I continue to lean on Jesus, trusting Him and His plan for me. And looking to Him for new strength in this season.
We took our kids to watch THE STAR this past weekend. The line that stood out to me in the movie was this: "Just because God has a plan doesn't mean it's going to be easy, and that scares me." Yep God's plan for my life has not been an easy one and at times it's felt scary not knowing the why or not knowing how I'd get through the grief or the suffering. Yet He is faithful. He is my healer and my redeemer and He continues to use my story and continues to write it! He isn't finished with me yet!
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