A dear friend offered to take my little girl for the morning so I could have some time to reflect and journal about this past yr. What a gift! Sorry for those of you who are sick of hearing about this but dates have always been a significant thing for me. Perhaps it's because I was born two days before Christmas and my parents always did a good job of separating the two, making sure we celebrated both my birthday and Christmas. So today, Jan, 26 2018, is like my 1 year birthday celebrating 1 yr since I was diagnosed with Goblet Cell Adenocarcinoma of the appendix. At times this last yr I was so ill, so underweight and so without fight and strength to keep on that my husband really wondered if I'd be alive or if he'd have to figure out how to transport a body home. But I am alive and personally I think it's worth celebrating!
One yr ago, we went to the hospital to get my bandages removed from the appendix surgery I had the week prior. We had purchased tickets to go watch LA LA LAND after my appointment because it had been awhile since we had a date. At the hospital neither of us were prepared to hear the words: (granted the Dr spoke in another language so it took a bit to process what he was saying too) "It's not good, there was a tumor!" "Appendix Cancer." "We need to do another surgery." This was the first time in my life I had even heard that appendix cancer was such a thing. We were dumb founded. Finally we had an answer for all of my pain but it was a hard answer to try to accept. But we had our tickets and decided to go watch the movie and then make calls to family and friends after to let them know the news. We sat next to each other, hand in hand, watching the movie, while our minds swirled around. All I could think of was my kids. How was this going to affect them? How do I tell them? What is the way forward? I just prayed and asked the Lord for wisdom.
On the drive home after the movie I started to what's app my friends. The tears began to flow and I couldn't hold them in. Before all of this we felt like we were living and serving and using our gifts...we were in our sweet spot in life. But now our lives were about to change.
Soon after my diagnosis my husband bought me these gloves. Before we moved back to Canada some of our sweet friends wrote notes on it. These gloves were my visual reminder to fight.
This morning I woke up to this song in my head. So much truth! Through the storms of this past yr I have had the front row seat to really see His love for me, provision for me and my family, healing, how He's been my anchor in the storm and how I need to daily rest on HIS promises and truths even when all around me the storm ranges on or it feels dark around me.
I messaged my surgeon this morning. The one who performed my last 2 out of my four surgeries last year. He was surprised to hear from me. I wanted to thank him for performing the surgery and being as aggressive as he was at removing the cancer and organs. I believe that helped to save my life even if that means I am still suffering the consequences from those surgeries.
Today I am thankful for the many many friends, family and other people who have walked with us, encouraged us, supported us, took care of us, helped out, loved on us, and prayed for us. How do people walk through such things without having a FAITH and HOPE in Jesus and a community around them? I am not sure. But I do know that for me I couldn't have walked through this past year without HIM and without the assurance of my relationship and salvation with HIM. In my weakness He became my strength. He has been and will continue to be Lord of all no matter what happens.
Tonight we are having a little party to celebrate. My kids have been talking more about death or their fears or starting to verbally process more of what all happened this last yr. Today I reminded my son what day it was and he gave me a big hug. My daughter put on some nice dress clothes...ready to celebrate and we danced around to this song above. Today we celebrate LIFE and all that means for me and my family. And after the kids are in bed my husband and I will watch LA LA LAND! He has so faithfully walked with me through the highs and lows of this last yr. Put up with me when I was dealing with all the emotions and issues that come from being forced into menopause and with all the recovery I have had to have post surgeries. He's loved me through it all. I have much to be thankful for!
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