So this past Thursday I had my CT scan and I got my results yesterday. The scan was clear. Well, minus the fact that there was a small kidney stone that was found. But this time my liver looked normal so that was good. My oncologist is so patient and willing to answer my questions as best as he can. He said he'll be concerned about me for the next 3 or 4 yrs and if nothing shows up on scans during that time than he'll start to worry about me less. :0) He said that most of my pain and discomfort must be coming from affects of the surgery. I see my surgeon for a check-up in January and then will have a scan and a follow-up with the oncologist in March, barring that I don't have any symptoms that make me think I need to see him sooner.
I am now waiting for a urologist appointment which won't be till the end of November, to possibly do a scope or something else, to try to figure out the root cause of the chronic bladder infections. Last night was a brutal night. I basically held my hand over my bladder and gut all night as I was in pain and unable to really sleep. This happens often, where pain keeps me up. If people see me out and about they may think I am having a "good" day. What they don't see is the many bathroom trips before and after and during an outing. They don't see the pain or the discomfort I am feeling on a regular basis. They don't often see the effort it takes to get out of the house. But for my kids sake I try my best to have some sort of normalcy for them and me.
I started the pancreatic enzymes today. It's an attempt to help my body better absorb the nutrients from the food I am eating. I have a pain specialist appointment, a gyno appointment, a urologist appointment and a gastro intestinal appointment coming up at some point. These are all appointments meant to try to help me better deal with the various issues I am still battling, an attempt to help me gain better quality of life.
I am realizing more and more the affects of the chemo, the 5 times I was put under for surgeries/procedures this year, and the lack of sleep on my ability to process and function. I get overwhelmed easily with noise. I get stressed more easily and the idea of driving in the city, with all the traffic feels almost claustrophobic in a way. It's hard to explain. I don't like how "stupid" I feel at times and how slow my brain seems to function or remember at other times. I am thankful for the few friends who have been willing to drive me in the city and even come with me to my appointments to take notes and better help me remember the conversations I have with the doctors...what a blessing that has been. What I find stressful is not only looking for rides but also for child care. Thankfully so far the Lord has provided each time there's been an appointment.
So I informed some of my friends about the results of the CT scan. My one friend wrote and said, "That's good, right? What is your intuition?" She knows that these scans don't always tell it as it is. I was just thinking this morning about how I need to choose to walk in thankfulness for a clear scan. That I need to see it as positive and not walk in fear of the unknown or "what-ifs" so that I can be more positive. Then I read my devos and this stood out to me:
"While you are in the throes of adversity, your greatest challenge is to keep on trusting that I am both sovereign and good. Do not expect to understand My ways; for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways and thoughts higher than yours. When you respond to trouble with thanksgiving-convinced that I can bring good out of the most difficult situations-I am pleased. This act of faith encourages you and glorifies Me. I rejoice when My struggling children give thanks to Me in song!"
So today, as tired as I am, I look to Him with thankfulness, gratitude that the scan was clear, that for the first time since March I am 84 lbs. Hopefully things will keep improving!
On a different note on Saturday I was able to meet a fellow appendix cancer friend at the mall. We met on my appendix cancer FB group. She is going for her HIPEC (major surgery plus hot chemo) later this month. I am thankful for the opportunity I have had to get to know her and hopefully be an encouragement or be someone she can ask questions to about this procedure. That is something I didn't have heading into mine back in Feb. I was really clueless about recovery, etc. I am SO thankful for all the prayers that have been sent up on my behalf, especially this year. If you can also prayer for my friend Chantale I am sure she'd appreciate those prayers.
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